Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Was this rape?

I was staying in a hostel in Miami. I met a few nice people there and we went to a festival together. I hung out with this one guy from Peru for the day from my hostel because we lost everyone else. He seemed really nice. We went back to the hostel to go to sleep because we were tired. We were in separate beds because we were friends. We were talking and he asked if I wanted to cuddle, I said okay sure for a little bit. He got into my bed and we cuddled for maybe a minute and he started touching me. I said I just wanted to be friends and only cuddle. He put his hands down my pants and I said no stop. He kept trying over and over and I kept saying no stop I don't want to. He forced me into my stomach and pulled my pants down shoving himself into me. I said no please I don't want to please. He flipped me over and forced himself into me. I was trying to push him off and I started to cry. This happened for about 5-10 minutes then he said are you okay? I said not really and he stopped and said he thought I was joking and that in Peru when a girl says no, it's just to turn on the guy. He got into his bed and I said I was fine and didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to talk about it. Was I not clear enough? Did he really think I was joking? Was this my fault?


We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.


Comments are currently closed.

4 thoughts on “Was this rape?

  • Kirsten says:

    This was not your fault, at all, in any way. This man raped you. I am sorry that happened to you.

  • Kyra says:

    This is absolutely rape. His excuse is disgusting and not at all a justification for his actions. None of his BS makes you not a victim of assault. I’m so sorry. You were more than clear with him and it was HIS responsibility to check in with you, and he not only didn’t do that — he blatantly ignored you.

  • T says:

    This was rape and I’m really sorry it happened.

  • Judith says:

    This was rape. You not only did not consent but you also asked him to stop. This is not your fault. He should be ashamed.
    I hope you can recover from this.