Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Was it my fault? Was it even rape?

It's been a few years since this happened and I am even married now with a child. But I get in my moods where I question if what happen was rape or my fault.

I started talking to my brothers best friend who was 24 at the time and I was 17 (completely legal). We had been causally dating for a few weeks. He invited me over to his house after I was at a party drinking which I decided I wasn't to drunk so I ended up going. What I didn't really know until I got there was how drunk he was. Anyways, we sat and watched movies and than we decided to have sex which I completely consented with.

It was around 3am that I woke up and moved an inch to re-adjust on the bed that wasn't so comfortable... he woke up and started to get on top of me with no warning and continued until he finished. I know I didn't want it but It was like he was In a trance of still being drunk and I was in shock and I didn't move I just let him finish and then he just went back to bed. The next day we texted like nothing but I honestly don't think he remembers the 3am sex. Was I raped? Or was it my fault?

I honestly just want to move on from this and I found the courage to tell my husband by saying it was a friend it happen to and I asked was it the girls fault? He stated yes but changed his mind once I told him it was me. We have never spoke on it again. I just need to know if it was so I can get help so I can be happy again. Please tell me if it was my fault or not.


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