Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Was i technically raped?

My sons father and I were in a very unhealthy relationship from 2006-2009 , we were in love but he was physically violent mostly due to drug use. He was also 9 years older then me . I met him when I was 19 and he was 29 , we immediately got pregnant with my now 10 year old son.

I am questioning the events that happened after I finished watching netflix show called "13 reasons why" (about a young high school student that was raped at a party and committed suicide because of the trauma she had suffered) let me just say that no matter what events may have happened or ever will happen I would never be willing to take my life over it) but in the show she didn't try her hardest to fight him off , basically she said no but he continues to have sex with her.

This is what my sons father would do all the time. He would start to run on me and I would let him but not engage back then when he would try to begin having sex there were several (over 30) times I said no or no babe I don't feel like it , but he continued to have sex with me. Is this considered rape? The night I got pregnant with my son he didn't even tell/ask me if he could go inside me. I felt very uncomfortable at that very moment and should have read the signs there and then at that exact moment.

In 2009 he wrecked his car and died and I am happily married to the very best husband and father to my son. I haven't told him this and I am not sure if I should or not ? I don't want anyone thinking I'm coming out of the blue with this stuff for attention. Please help me and tell me if this is considered to be rape or sexually assault because ever since the show I have been very different and depressed very different out of my character.


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2 thoughts on “Was i technically raped?

  • Jo Wood says:

    Nothing technical about it. You were raped. Hard to hear I know but unless you gave full wide awake consent, yes it’s rape. Sorry you had to endure this but great to see you have come thorough and moved on. If this revelation sets you back, it’s never too late to get some support to work through it.

  • Cinny says:

    Yes, it is rape. I’m sorry. My H did that to me too. I’m happy you aren’t in that place any more.