Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Walk in the woods

It was 9 pm and my boyfriend and I were walking around town. I live in a very very small town where everybody knows everybody, so late night walks never deemed as dangerous to either of us. We are walking down the road as we pass a paved trail through a small section of woods. I asked my boyfriend if we can go in and walk. He says no and I ask why. He didn't say anything and kept walking. I, however, decided I could be independent for just a few minutes. I entered the woods on the paved trail. Half way through a man was following me and eventually he grabbed me and raped me. After I exit the paved trails I'm hysterical and my boyfriend takes me to the police station. A few days later we get in an argument and my boyfriend starts putting all the blame on me. He kept saying how dumb I was to walk in alone and that I was asking for it. He told me that I wanted it because I chose to walk in there. It absolutely broke my heart because he was my only person I could confide in about the rape. He continued naming every mistake I made that night and that I was setting myself up to be raped. He then accused me of wanting somebody who could perform better sexually so I walked in to do so. I am so saddened because I love my boyfriend, but he thinks I wanted all of this to happen. He says I asked for it. I don't know how to talk to him right now and I'm in so much emotional pain.


We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.


Comments are currently closed.

3 thoughts on “Walk in the woods

  • Admin says:

    This was not your fault and you did not deserve this. Please reach out to one of the organisations we’ve listed below as they can help support you. You did not ask for this. You did not make mistakes. A man made a choice to rape you. He is solely responsible for raping you.

    Your boyfriend had absolutely no right to say those things to you. It’s extremely concerning that your boyfriend is blaming you and using such horrendous language to do so. This is not how a supportive and loving partner behaves. He needs to step up here. And be a real partner.

    We believe you.

    These are the free phone numbers for the national rape crisis organisations in the UK. The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. You can also find local support services on their websites.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)

  • T says:

    I just want to repeat everything the admin have said. It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. It is the fault of the man who chose to rape you. I’m really very sorry that this has happened to you and that your boyfriend is behaving in such an appalling way instead of supporting you. Please don’t take on anything he is saying. It really is worth finding someone supportive to talk to who. Your nearest Rape Crisis would probably be a good place to start.

  • I am so sorry to read about your very harrowing experience. It must’ve been terrifying for you. Am very glad you have reached out ror support. I’ve not much to add to the admin’s statements, except to say that your boyfriends reaction is incredibly selfish and must have made this harder still. I hope you are managing to get s more balanced perspective from others around you/professional help.

    I am a rape survivor too and it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with ehat happened to me. Blamed myself for a long time. But rape is only ever the rapists fault.

    Sending love n warmth xxx