Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Tortured and silenced.

i am a victim of rape violence and murder.

I have had no voice, almost all my life my mum married my dad when she was very young, beaten almost daily. My sister and I arrived and we witnessed terrible violence, we lived in a nice house, had nice clothes to the outside world we were normal.

The sexual abuse started when I was very young, the violence was constant, my sister and I would change schools but no one helped us. It was the late 70's early 80's.

My mum left my Dad looking back I don't think she ever would have but eventually she did. All my life I was told it was my fault. I was to blame.

My mum then meet a man with money had a big house and promptly started a relationship. He had a partner and even though it was an odd situation the violence was better, it wasn't as bad.punched and hurt was far better than rape.

I knew then that Surrey police did not care about violence as they had not helped my mum or my sister and I.

I love my mum but my sister was the only person ever to understand me. She was incredible. Lucy was clever pretty, successful and ultimately brave.

Years went by and I got married to a violent man but again would compare the levels in how hard a punch felt.

I divorced him and meet my now husband and even though we argue he has never hurt me.

Sue the other woman who was in my life was my step dads john lowes partner, and she was now in her 80th year not that you would no that. She was always kind rather like the mum I wanted. My mum struggled to cuddle or show feelings it was something she found difficult.

I looked after her, and knew that my step dad was stealing from her. I reported it to Surrey police and even gave them dozens of invoices and receipts. I was told not to harass him. Sue died and after my mum was with john Lowe on her own. I told the police he had threatened to kill me. Again I was made to feel I was to blame.

In August 2013 I was arrested for fraud, my mum came to see me and told me she knew john Lowe had done the crime. I was put on bail. At this point I believed John Lowe had no guns. Because they had removed them. The officer that arrested me DS Rafferty was absolutely vile in interview. He told lies to try to slip me up. Ironically I didn't lie. But that did not stop the persecution.

I told him that if john Lowe ever got his guns back he would kill.

That is exactly what he did. No one ever thought to mention they had handed back 7 shotguns and failed to tell me that I would be at risk.

John Lowe shot my mother on the 24.02.14 my mum was cowering, when I saw her in the morgue she had a cut on her nose. She was cowering because he had hit her, he then shot her from less than a foot away my mum died almost instantly.

My sister Lucy was not so lucky she rang the police stating john Lowe has shot my mother keepers cottage stud, get Rafferty Rafferty knows the same officer who had arrested me. I did not hear this message until the first day of the murder trial.

That day, two officers came to my door I had just cooked Sunday dinner. They said we need to come in. My first response was what are you arresting me for now. They asked to come in. Then told me two women were dead. Two women. The only two women in my life.

It was 1.20pm in the afternoon I was told in ten minutes flow officers would be with me.

They were not. It was 5.30 and still no one. Left not knowing my husband drove me to the farm. I was told to go away. To go to Guildford police station.

I was then told it could be my mum and sister. It was sky news that actually told me. Told me they were dead.

Weeks blurred together I just wanted to be with them. But my children needed me. I needed them. Then in march at 9pm police at the door Surrey police told me I was being arrested and taken to Guildford police station. I lived in Hampshire ironically it was 7 officers that came for me. Put in a neat wagon taken I begged the detective to let me go. Held for nearly 23 hours probably in the same cell as Jl my crime apparently the theft of a tv from the farm. I do not drive and weighed less than 7 stone at the time. I was released and bailed them it was nfa. Bizarrely the custody sergeant lied and said that they had picked me up from keepers cottage stud. I lived at that time in an army quarter in aldershot.

In January 2015 I was charged with fraud in may 2016 I was made to stand in the dock whilst the murderer who was the co defendant was aloud to sit un handcuffed. I was so ill fainted panic attacks constantly seeing what he had done. The trial stopped.

My qc Sarah forshaw managed to get the case severed in December 2016. John Lowe would be stand trial separately to me.

In January my Qc Sallie Bennett Jenkins and barrister Charlotte newell defended me with all there might. I could not give evidence to me it was obvious, that I was a victim of a witch hunt.

It was proven I had no bank account no money and no gain.

It was proven john Lowe had all the money. But he blamed me.

I was confident I would win. Then the judge summed up the case it was absolutely damaging he asked the jury not to surmise but did just that.

I was convicted of 5 counts of fraud by misrepresentation. I was sentenced to 12 months in prison suspended for 18. As I left the dock Rafferty laughed at me. He lied constantly it was proven. But he got great pleasure. The conviction is now at the court of appeal. The sentence hanging over my neck like a sword, just about to drop.

The papers branded me a liar, profiting from an elderly lady. This was a prosecution on behalf of Lloyds. The cps decided they could prosecute me with all the cuts to the justice. After 3 and a half years telling me john Lowe would be prosecuted after me. Torturing even suggesting I should take Valium to be able to stand trial. Then decided not to prosecute john Lowe.

Since then I have had two ipcc reports one is to be realeased, the firearms officers were all served with gross misconduct. Two retired and one was sacked even after his appeal.
I am now waiting for the decision to prosecute the officers who arrested me. One is a pc misconduct one is s detective sergeant misconduct

One is a detective inspector gross misconduct.

Some will say why didn't you take the stand. Realistically I was weak I couldn't. I was in trauma. I am extremely privileged and grateful to the two women who helped me.

I hope that Sallie will do the inquest. My story has not ended yet.


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