Everyday Victim Blaming

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Sulking and drunk pressure mistake

I've been with my partner 10 years. When he drinks he puts emotional pressure on me to have sex with him by sulking if I say I don't feel like it or makes comments like I hardly get any. So I give in and agree to the sex because I feel guilty. That's not rape because I agree. When I was younger I was raped he knows about it and I'm ok hardly ever mentioned. I was bitten during my ordeal which freaks me out totally. On numerous occasions he has bitten me after drinking & I get upset and tell him he says sorry Hun I got carried away and carries on but by this point I'm emotionally not in the moment & he's like what's wrong with you? But isn't it obvious? But I say nothing yet I may have tears he carries on I let him but am absent emotionally & physically cos I switch off. The other day he rammed his penis so hard into my bum without warning during doggy style sex I screamed reacted by hitting him and was in so much pain. He apologised I was crying for a minute or so but I clearly didn't want to carry on yet he persisted with the emotional stuff like sit on top of me babe and I'm reluctant but he persists I give in I say be gentle with me then he bites my neck I freak out again. Why are you biting me you know I don't like it and I'm upset. We did stop at that moment he gets sulky and storms off to get washed just says ffs. The next day he just said don't want to talk about it it's embarrassing you know what I'm like when am pissed. I explain about the biting how I don't like it so many times why is it as though he forgets this? I just don't know. He can be so nice but then so ignorant to my feelings.


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2 thoughts on “Sulking and drunk pressure mistake

  • maria says:

    I’ve been here and it feels no different than rape 🙁 if you say no then you have the emotional tantrum to deal with ,, so just lie back and disassociate :(((

  • Katie says:

    Hey Claire
    Firstly I am sorry you were raped when you were younger.
    It’s no excuse to treat you like that because he has been drinking. It sounds like you didn’t consent to the anal sex and therefore that would be rape too. Also you don’t consent to being bitten and that is not ok and is assault/sexual assault as well. The emotional pressure is coercion and you are not freely consenting. He should stop and see if you are ok when you are crying and this would also fall into the rape category.
    I know you said he can be nice but please think about if it’s worth being with this man when he treats you like this. If he was truly nice he would be appalled by his behaviour and get help for it so he didn’t do this again. Or at the very least he would stay away from you after he drinks. But he won’t even discuss it with you. This is not a nice man. Please get help to get away from him.
    Often when we experience rape, we attract similar types of men again and we normalize their behaviour, thinking it’s ok because we have had worse. But it is not ok. At all.