Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Struggling to cope

Around 4 years ago I was on a path of self destruction and in a very dark place, I was using drugs and drinking a lot, but I never blacked out always remembered everything, I went out one night and met up with 'friends' had a couple of drinks and from that I remember nothing, I'm sure my drink was spiked I woke up the next day in a flat to a 'friend' going down on me, half of my hair extensions ripped out of my head and my legs covered in bruises, I left straight away and told nobody including my boyfriend I felt so ashamed since then I've heard rumours of 2 guys bragging they had a threesome with me, I remember nothing, I now have 2 beautiful babies to my boyfriend we had been dating 3 months when this happened, I finally told him what happened and he says he believes me but then quizzes me about it constantly accuses me of lying and has called me a whore I few times, I'm really struggling to come to terms with what's happened and just want to forget but now he knows it's like dealing with it all over again, everyday, it's so hard to deal with I don't know what to do. I'm really considering separating from him cause of how he's being.


We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Comments are currently closed.

One thought on “Struggling to cope

  • Lynda says:

    Hi im so sorry that you ve been treated this way. Nobody deserves to be raped and abused and then be called a whore and be questioned by your partner. Its not fault its the fault of those men who abused you. It doesn t matter what you wear, how much you ve drank your off you head on drugs or have a disability this is the choice of the men who abused you. Nobody deserves to be treated this way by the partner this emtional abuse and really unkind. You derserve to be treated with compassionate kindness by a loving partner. This kind of abuse can erode ones self esteem and self worth self belief. Your amazing brave courageous coming on here to tell us your story. After we are abuse we either freeze fight or flight even disassociate are bodies responses to extreme fear and abuse. I would urge to seek support and help from agencies who work in this type of area so you can get support help guidence and voice your experience. I wish you look take care hugs kind regards Lynda