Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Stockholm syndrome (contains graphic descriptions)

I was 15 and in an argument with my bf. I ended up in a conversation with a guy I had seen around the estate. He was flirty and tbh I liked it. I asked how old he was. He was 19 turning 20. He asked my age and I told him I was 15. Which didnt stop him asking for my number, which I willingly gave.

We texted for a few days, and when things with my bf got worse and he could tell I was upset he said I could call round and he would cheer me up. Not really wanting to sit in alone, I went to his house. I was 15 and an older guy was calling me pretty. I liked it.

We kissed, he slid his hand up my leg and I giggled and pushed it away. He kept doing it and I told him to stop. He pulled my dress up around my waist and started to take off my underwear. I reminded him that I was only 15.

He said that age was just a number. He pinned me to the sofa and pushed himself inside me. I tried to struggle but he was stronger than me. He stopped cuz he couldn't keep it up, grabbed me by the hair and put his penis in my mouth. He lifted the camera that I hadn't noticed and started videoing me.

I said again, stop, I'm only 15. He didn't care.

When he was done with me he showed me the videos and told me that I was pretty and special and that he couldn't wait until "next time".

He blackmailed me with the videos, he'd show everyone if I didn't do what he wanted. Struggling got me beaten up. He raped me 9 times.

And the messed up thing is that I still texted him and tried to make him love me.

I lied to protect him. And I hate myself for it. The texts I sent have blatant lies in them from when I just wanted him to stop hurting me.

I wish I could put him behind bars but I wasn't a virgin when it happened, I just didn't want to.

And I still talked to him after. They'll say I'm a slut and that I was asking for it.

But when you're 15 and someone says they love you, you're going to believe them.


We do NOT give permission for posts published as personal experiences to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Comments are currently closed.

One thought on “Stockholm syndrome (contains graphic descriptions)

  • Admin says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us. We believe you. We know only the abuser is responsible for abuse.

    If you would like some non-judgemental help and support, you can access some organisations via our Get Support page, or contact us by email [email protected] for services local to you.