Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Say No More To Child Abuse, Child Explotation and Domestic Violence

We as woman reclaim our lives are bodies are minds. We see the power and control over our lives from others who have no right to who we are and what we are. The coercive control happens every where not just in a intimate relationship but all in our work place in other relationships with family friends and strangers we counter in everyday situations.
Coercive control is about power and control over someone's life it can be bullying a person, psychological abuse mind games in all interactions with others as well as manipulation, isolation put downs and destroying another persons reputation. We see this in a school playgrounds when young teenagers call girls slags, sluts, whores because they no she has slept with another pupil. We see this when we look at the media news and television programmes coercive control not only happens to women it happens to men boys and girls no distinction.

We see the negative put downs in a news paper a girl was asking for it because she was wearing the wrong clothes was drunk when in fact it does not matter what a person wore if she was drunk a person will take that in fact to control and abuse a situation and use the power to disempower another human being. It can and does happen to men also it can happen to them in the same sex relationship or a women partner who is controlling and abusive. Many men don't seek out help for the shame factor that their not butch manly to deal with a situation. It does not matter a perpetrator of coercive control will no you through and through will seek the vulnerable parts of their partner and will play on these. He will/she will no how you tick the look the word to put you down they will control your friendships your money your life everything to make themselves feel better feel more in control and feel more confident in themselves.

Empowering ourselves is part of the healing process in domestic violence its accepting that you could not have done anything more to protect ourselves it was not out fault what another person put us through its their fault their behaviour in question not yours. Yes we are not perfect to we have flaws but in a Coercive control relationship we often apologise for the other persons behaviour when in fact they will never say its their fault never apologise never accountable for controlling another.

DV can destroy another if we let it the healing process is one step at a time and you go back and forth through the guilt and the shame and the anger sadness and pain. It does not have to define you yes you were a victim of CSA, DV but it does not have to define who we are as men women and children we are survivors and warriors but we go through the healing process back and forth through victim survivor and warrior.

In this country we still have societies shame of victim blaming of belittling and not believing the victim still if we could understand the hurt and the victimisation that this can cause further harm and trauma to a victim to silence them further that this has a detrimental effect on their mental wellbeing and their body.

Trauma can shame us can come out in our bodies and minds to destroy us if we are shamed into silence. That's what perpetrators do to a victim belittle them and shame them into compliance and isolation to further harm and abuse and their carries on the abuse victim blaming. We then see children grow up to either become the victim or the perpetrator to carry the cycle on and on through the next generation and then the next. Lives lost hidden silenced because others who are thoughtless who manipulated the system to be hidden away to carry on the abuse to the next generation.

We see this is the church through the priests who were hidden and sent then to the next parish to carry on with the abuse another child's life is destroyed another family shamed into silence as the priest is hidden is allowed to carry on with his abominations.

Societies shame of abuse the silence carries the abuse on and on till it hits the next and the next generation even though its started to come out in the public their is along way to go. Child abuse in families the hidden secret the pain and the destruction of a child's humanity and trust in mankind. The worse thing we can do in a society is abuse a child because as an adult we see lives destroyed we see it in our prisons, mental health hospitals we see it in Domestic violence relationships. Child abuse can happen to you and you its in all classes in all cultures it no's no bounds it happens in religious families by religious leaders it can happen to me and you to and it makes you weep for the life that you could have had but it also it can make you strong to fight the life that you can have now. It does not have to define you slowly step by step we can reclaim our lives and rise once more to be who we all can be.

The sadness can overwhelm us but its ok because we are learning to feel again the hidden emotions we have hidden for so long the deepest pain and sorrow can be overcome.

So I say life can happen after such horrific pain and sorrow and love can happen for you because I have learn to love myself my ugly parts my good parts and my bad parts all of me my mental health difficulties in those moments when I lose it and swear like a trouper its accepting that yes I was hurt and yes I'm sad at times yes I get anxious yes I can love me and love my children to. So I say to society please reach out to a person who has been abused because reaching out another person in pain you might help that person to become more than what they think they can become and empower them to believe in all they can be. Societies hidden shame of CSA, CSE and DV break down the shackles break down the hidden silence and empower our children and communities to shout no more to abuse, shame and guilt and shout it from the roof tops and say no more.


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