I was sexually assaulted in Italy 2 years ago, but I live in the UK- how am I meant to tell the police, who am I meant to tell? There is quite possibly no evidence at all, and so, I will have to live with the injustice for the rest of my life.
It's so unfair. How am I supposed to bear it?
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
When I told my best friend, she asked me why I didn't 'kick him where it hurts, and run'. When I FINALLY told my Mum, she asked why I went back to his house... didn't I know, that men can't control their sexual instincts in a situation like that?
Yes mum... it was my fault. Clearly.
I am a 19 year old student, and my degree is going to hell. My life is going to hell. I am afraid. I hate my body- I hate my sexuality. I sometimes wonder- why does sex even have to exist? It's given me little pleasure in my life- and so, so, so much pain. I want life to be different. I want to start again, and go back to a time when I felt like my body was my own. But I can't. That's not going to happen. I just have to start moving forwards a bit. That's the only thing I can do.
If you are reading this... It is never the victim's fault. I was pinned down to a bed and I couldn't move a thing. Not a thing. Before that, I had frozen with fear, and now I was literally physically blocked anyway. I tried and tried and tried to fight but there was nothing I could do. Nothing. Nothing.
And now I'm left on my own... without support, waiting for counselling (which should come in a couple of months time- I've already been waiting for months). Tell me, do I owe anything to life?
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