Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Raped And Blamed

The first time I met my boyfriend now of five months I was still seeing another man. So I went over to this other mans house, his name was chris. I went over to his house to break things off with him because I trusted him not to take advantage of me, being a small women. When I told C that I didn't want to see him anymore, he laughed and said to me "well at least let me show you what your going to be missing". I told him "No, I do not want that" I screamed and I kicked and I scratched but he pinned my wrists down and covered my mouth. After this horrible experience I went home and cried for about a week, I ignored my boyfriend A for about a weeks time because I was scared and I didn't want him to know about this incident because our relationship was still young. When I saw him again after that week all traces of the incident were gone and he asked me if I cheated on him and I said yes. Simply because it was easier to me at that time then telling him the truth. And now 5 months later I told him the truth. He instantly told me I was a liar and that it was my fault for being raped because I went over to C's house to break it off. He called me a liar, but I don't know. I am not lying I even went to the police to show him I am serious. Why is he blaming me. Why is it my fault. I am so sad that he would think that. The police can't do anything for me because I had no evidence months later. I don't know what to do or how to do it. Thank you for reading my story.


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3 thoughts on “Raped And Blamed

  • Nat says:

    I believe you. You are NOT to blame. You did NOTHING wrong. Your current bf sounds like a rape apologist who you would be better off without. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please know that you are worthy of better. I hope you heal. X

  • Jorden says:

    What you do now is completely up to you. But I must it is not your fault! And you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

    there is help out there if you need support to find peace with your experience.

  • MJ says:

    This is not your fault. I too trusted a colleague and agreed to share a wine with him. He stripped to his boxers and I froze. He raped me even though I had been telling him for over 3 years that I did not want to sleep with him. I am happily married. I blamed myself for not stopping him. I had a breakdown and reported him 4 months later. My employer sacked me for harassing him (as I sent him some awful emails afterwards because I was devastated) They also said I was vindictive for accusing him of this and trying to ruin his reputation. The police say it’s my word against his (he gave a No comment statement so they released him without charge.) The whole system is geared against victims.

    I believe you and I understand why you denied the rape to begin with – I did the same as I was so ashamed. This is not your shame. Please seek help.