Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Rape in a New Relationship

So I just realized today that my most recent ex raped me. Everything finally clicked and feeling dirty, used, and voiceless after sex finally made sense. I'd been in deep denial. My past relationship left me susceptible to it, but that does not make it my fault. I remember shaking my head and telling him to stop, and watching him just hold my legs up and keep going while saying "it's okay, baby. I got you, baby." Was my stop not firm enough, was it not loud enough? I was mortified. He had refused my consent. I was numb. Was my stop and moving away from him mot enough? Will anyone believe me if I press charges? He is a white firefighter, and I am a minority female. I feel like I'lll lose already.


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3 thoughts on “Rape in a New Relationship

  • J says:

    I believe you, and I am so sorry this happened to you.

  • G says:

    I am so sorry. I believe you. It’s not your fault.

  • K says:

    You are so brave for coming out like this. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you from one survivor to another, seek help. Whether it’s police (Only if you feel comfortable and it’s YOUR choice.) But please talk to someone. I’ve been to two counsellors since my assault and honestly just talking to someone that you know is bound by a confidentiality agreement can really help. Again please only do this if you feel comfortable.

    Remind yourself that each subconscious decision you make is a choice and a choice that you’ve made and carried through.

    You are so strong and capable. I know you can survive.

    I really hope you’ll be able to move on soon. Sending you love.