Random Thoughts.

January 31, 2018, Astoria Queens, Personal Experiences,

i am a survivor. After 6 years of marriage 2 kids i was just tired of it all. He was more of manipulator and messed with my head and emotions. He changed who i was and what i wanted in life. I wanted to kill myself every day and didn't know what happy meant anymore. I was scared every day to hurt him and defy him he got in my head. Looking was hard because i didn't want him to think i was cheating. I lost friends and didn't want to gain friends because i would never be able to socialize. my son was a victim of watching abuse, i was a bad mother because i was a sad mother i would be tired all the time because he said sleeping was for the weak but he was able to sleep for hours and i could't bother him. he was plain mean and when i cried he called me stupid and will laugh at me. He sent me to the hospital for punching me and spraining my jaw (i took him back). He punched my ribs and had black and blue for weeks kicked me when i was down and forced himself on me, but wasn't rape in his eye since we were married. he still haunts me because i have a child that looks like him and i want my son nothing like him. He still haunts me because i am still broken. I am scared everyday but not of him of me being a victim again. I left him its been 3 years and i am scared that the man i love now will be the same. I love him and i know he will not but that idea is always going to be there,

 

 

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