Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

My story

I don't want to make it too detailed, but this is my story.

I was in highschool, still under consenting age for sex. I was in contact with a class mate's parents for extra curricular activities, mainly the mother. At some point the father had gotten involved and while I was in the car with him he stopped somewhere where he wouldnt be interrupted and raped me.

I don't remember much, but it was aggressive, rough. I was numb after and went to work and acted normal. I was blackmailed to further relations with him over several months, and eventually when it was all exposed I was too scared to say I was raped.

Even though it would still be considered statuatory rape, he tried to blame me and say it was consenual. At some point it had become "consensual" but only because I was so messed up be didn't need to blackmail me to get me to see him any more.

He ran away and his family were left to blame me, the remaining party. My parents were angry, heart broken, upset. No one trusted me. I stopped my activities, I quit my job, I wasn't allowed to see friends, I couldn't baby sit.

I developed anxieties and depression but refused the one offer of counselling that they insisted be supervised.

I felt awful, guilty, afraid. I hated myself for what I had done to their family, and to my own. I was a dirty slut who couldn't be trusted.

For a long time I tried to write apology letters to everyone but could never get the right words out our muster the courage to do so. Turns out that was because I did nothing wrong. I was the victim.

In the end I never pushed charges, and the people mentioned do not know that at no point did I have a say in what happened. I'm slowly recovering but it's hard knowing that everyone is still probably blaming the victim...


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3 thoughts on “My story

  • Amelia says:

    Thank you for sharing your story – it is heartbreaking to think of you feeling judged/ shamed/ the focus of others anger, when as you say you are clearly a victim of a monstrous man. It is also very sad that those around you have not wanted to examine this possibility – perhaps that would leave them wondering if they let you down. Well, I believe you – and I hope you find peace.

  • Emma says:

    What to say!
    Abhorrent!!!! And How horrendous that you were blamed in this way(thus denied support and help to recover) after being the victim of this disgusting mans attacks on you.
    Your story echoes so many,and I applaud you for your boldness in speaking out.
    I will continue fight to end male violence for you and every woman x

  • Jilly says:

    I believe you.

    And I don’t think you were in any way to blame.