Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

My so called friend

I had a friend that i hung out with about a month ago and we weren't into eachother in a sexual type way. It was our second time hanging out and we decided before we seen eachother that we were going to go to the movies and watch a movie but when he came to pick me up he said that he didnt wanna go in public in the clothes he was wearing so he wanted to stop at his house and change his clothes. When we got there everyone else was asleep and he said i could come in because he didnt want me to stay in the car well he was inside so i went in. We both went into his room and he was grabbing different clothes to wear and then he started talking about a movie we could watch in his room on youtube. I didnt really want to stay in his house so i was trying to say we should just go see the movie we were gonna go see but he was persistant about watching the one on youtube. I didnt have a way to leave because he picked me up but i just kind of sat down and was watching the movie like he wanted to do but about half way into it he started to touch me in ways i didnt like and i told him no and moved his hand away but he would just come back after a couple of minutes. I eventually moved away from where we were sitting but he just grabbed my arm and pulled me back and backed off for a while.
After about another 10 minutes he just got on top of me and started kissing me. I didnt say no i kissed him back at first but then he started trying to take my pants off. Every time i would tell him no but he would continue to do it still. After he got my pants off he kept touching me and saying it was fine and he knew i liked it. Even when i said no. I told him no and tried to grab my pants but he just took his off and forced himself inside me. When he was done he said that he knew i liked it and he liked it too. He put his clothes back on and started watching the movie again and i was trying to say it was getting late that i had to go but he made me sit down and watch the rest of the movie with him. When he took me home he came into my house and told my mom what a good night we had and how the movie was good.
Its almost a month later and i took a pregnancy test and its positive. I dont know what to do. I dont know if i should tell him or not. Life seems to be falling apart fast and i havent got the nerve to tell my mom yet.


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3 thoughts on “My so called friend

  • Admin says:

    Below are some of the support organisations that help victims of rape and for women who are pregnant, including following rape. Please remember that this is not your fault. Your ‘friend’ made a series of deliberate choices to isolate you and then he choose to ignore your clear boundaries. You did nothing wrong. And you deserve all the love and support right now.

    These are the free phone numbers for the national rape crisis organisations in the UK. The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. You can also find local support services on their websites.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)

    You can get help from these organisations in your options concerning pregnancy:

    British Pregnancy Advisory Service – BPAS

    Marie Stopes International

  • Lisha Simmonds says:

    First I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I imagine it’s terrifying for you. Decisions about sex are choices. How that choice was taken from you makes me angry for you.
    This so called friend had your trust and violated it with a violent act. There is help and healing available.
    You need support and I’m hoping you find that in your parents. Family is incredibly important in times like these and knowing you’re not alone is the best way to begin the next journey. Very important to find medical and psychological help quickly.
    If not your parents do you have a physician you trust? Start somewhere by talking about it. A crisis center might be helpful if you fear discussing it with family.
    I didn’t talk about it. I couldn’t find support so I understand more than you know. You seem to be a very thoughtful person which sometimes makes things more difficult.
    I’m praying you find a resource quickly who can hold your hand while you walk through your grieving. This isn’t the first perpetratrstor who manipulated a female. I so wish it was the last. All the best to you.

  • Alice says:

    No friend at all to you. Sending you all love and good wishes. I hope you can find someone to talk to and make decisions that are right for you.

    Telling him? He deserves nothing from you, he has no rights here. It’s up to you though; I would just think through what you want from him knowing. It seems unlikely he will be thinking of your welfare in his response given how little regard he has already shown for it.