my poem (surviving)

June 21, 2014, natalie, Personal Experiences,

Beaten and bruised, but i still smile,
Broken and cut, but still i smile,
Raped and terrorized, but still i smile,
Scared and hurting, but still i smile,
Cooking and cleaning, and yeah, im still smiling.
I look at myself and i hate what i see, cuts, bruises, burns and scars, all part of me, but not cause im a hero who fought in a war, not because i ran into a burning building to save lives, NO...............
because i was scared to speak, move or even think for myself, and every time i did awful punishments would follow, so like a prisoner of war i was systematically punished until i was completely broken, physically, emotionally, and mentally, till i had become a nothing, a no-one, till my soul had fizzled away.........
I'd get used to certain punishments but then they would end up getting worse, so much so, at times i had begged for death.
ive hurt in ways i wouldn't have dreamed were possible, but still, I SMILED, pushed every hurt, every agony so deep down so it wouldn't hurt anymore, until my insides hurt so much, that id cut myself to let it out, just to release some of the pain.
but im sick of pretending, i want to smile cause i feel happy, i want to be able to speak without feeling like im crazy, i want to go out without feeling scared, but most of all, i want to learn how to be me, to live a life without just existing...........
so actually, i have been fighting a war, a war of violent abuse, rape, terror, and humiliation, so who are you trying to kid, i am a hero, but better than that, I AM A SURVIVOR, AND I SURVIVED YOU.

 

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