Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

my husband raped me in my sle

for nearly 3 years, I would wake up to my husband having sex with me. When I woke he'd try to coerce me, flatter me or just remind me of something I had once done that I was ashamed of and I would just back down and let him do it. Sometimes I would try and get away but then he'd threaten to go to the police about that thing I was ashamed of and I would back down immediately, too terrified to antagonise him. On many occasions he'd then get up and wash himself then call me a ' dirty bitch' a 'slag' or a 'whore ' before storming off downstairs or out of the house. He never raped me during the day was a godsend, because he couldn't. He had erectile dysfunction and could only get a full erection if he woke up with one and, when he did, he felt entitled to just do what he wanted as I was his wife. One day he went too far and raped me using force, not just threats or blackmail and I really struggled to get away but couldn't. The police investigation resulted in No Further Action 'due to lack of sufficient evidence but the police were amazing. They believed he did it and said it was better to get a NFA than an acquittal at court. Of course he denies everything.


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10 thoughts on “my husband raped me in my sle

  • simone says:

    Thanks and great respect to you for speaking about your experience. My heart and solidarity goes out to you!

  • Ali Bee says:

    I’m so sorry you went through this. I believe you.

  • Sam says:

    Thank you for sharing your painful story and the difficult experiences you have survived for years, I feel angry that your husband felt entitled to call you names and make you afraid and ashamed. It was courageous for you to report to the Police and I am glad they believed you but it is disappointing that your husband cannot be brought to justice for the crimes he committed against you, against your will. Take care and stay strong, you are brave and know the truth.

    • Anon says:

      Dear Sam, thank you for your words. It frustrates me that the justice system is unable or unwilling to see how serious this is and, in this day and age, is unable to find ways of making the assailant accountable. I now think that the only way forward is to stop being silent so that more women will come forward with their experiences and then something will need to be done to keep wives safe from this form of abuse.

      As far as the ex-husband who raped me is concerned, what goes around comes around. I believe that.

  • Brave Survivor says:

    Many hugs to you. My boyfriend raped me for a year. I don’t know if I was drugged or just so worn out by his abuse that when I would wake up with him inside me I didn’t know what was happening. I’d often fall right back to sleep in a haze. I thought I’d be held hostage the rest of my life. xoxo

    • Anon says:

      Dear Brave Survivor,

      I feel for you and I really hope you are out of that relationship. For a long time I wasn’t sure if it was happening or I was dreaming. I had just had a baby and was exhausted the whole time. I think that at the beginning he did it and as soon as I woke up he stopped but then after a while he became more insistent. A lot of people I know said it isn’t possible to be raped in your sleep unless you are drugged. I don’t believe I was drugged all I know is that it happened. I really hope you are in a better place now.xxx

  • Louise Pennington says:

    I believe you. x

  • sandra says:

    I’m so sorry you had to go through that!! My ex raped me regularly for the six years we were together and I know what it’s like to have others disregard your feelings and/or experience.