My ex fiancé blames me and accused me of lying about it
We've been broken up a while so I feel like it shouldn't still affect me but it really does.
One time, when we were together, I made the mistake of letting an old friend into my flat. I knew he liked me but I'd told him that it wasn't going to happen. He had always been a good guy in the years that I'd known him so I had a sense of safety and trust around him.
He attacked me then, assaulted me. I don't think he realised what he did until he saw blood and saw me crying and in pain. He ran off. My neighbour came to see me a little while later and I couldn't contain the emotions I was feeling. She told me to tell my then fiancé.
I did and he accused me of cheating on him. He told me I was stupid and it was my fault. We still stayed together for a while but we just sort of brushed the whole ordeal under the rug. He wouldn't talk about it. He once read a diary entry in my book about that type and ended up trashing my whole flat and getting really high when I wasn't in. I came home after a long day at work and had to clean up everything, including him. I never complained once.
Now, some time after we broke up, I'm being told that he has told people that I lied about being attacked as an excuse for cheating and that I probably wanted it. He's convinced so many that I'm nothing but a whore... Usually, I don't care what people say about me but after hearing this, from the one man that I loved enough to almost marry, it cuts really deep.
I just feel worthless. Invalidated. Unimportant. I feel like I am a whore. I know I made a mistake to let that guy in and I feel like I'm always going to be punished for it. A big part of me agrees with him when he says it's my fault... It's just hard. All I want to do is die.
I didn't want that guy to touch me at all... I guess he'll never believe me and now he's told so many about it and they all think I lied to get away with cheating. It hurts. I feel gross.
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