Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Made to feel like the perpetrator

I was married for 26 years and my husband was abusive. I left about every 3 months because I couldn't handle it at times. My parents would let me stay with them, however my stay there meant they were telling me how wonderful he is and how I am his wife and it is my duty to keep him happy ( even though I told them he raped me sometimes).

They made it seem like I was mistaken and didn't understand how wonderful he was. I had self doubt and kept on going back. I left when God said ta ke your hands off of him and I will work on him. So I did and I thought he had changed because he called me to his church and bowed down before me and washed my feet and told me how sorry he was before his congregation, so I went back.

Two days after being home he said "lets go get your stuff." I had taken half of the household goods. I wasn't ready but he eventually was sweet and nice enough that I said ok. He got all the stuff back in the house and started mistreating me again. I was raped, I was not allowed to have any money or even spend any. I had to get a loan for college because he said he couldn't afford to pay for the gas for me to go.After I had worked hard and put him through college.

Eventually my back was hurting from something going on with my female parts. I asked to go to the doctor and he told me we didn't have money for things like that. So I left and went to stay with my aunt to go to the doctor, I went and got antibiotic for a bacterial infection. I called him back about a week later and he said " don't bother coming home, I have already changed the locks." I did not plan to leave. I wanted to get help and now the police will not let me go back to my own home to get my things.

He was a pastor and now he has a live in girlfriend with her two kids and my 18 year old son has been turned against me too. He says I am a family breaker upper? I went back to get my summer clothes after calling all officials in the county that day, I went alone none would help me. I got some of them and hubby was there and choked me and assaulted me and I ran inside the house to find a door to lock to escape his attack.

I called 911 and the police man came and knocked on the door and asked me immediately "What have you been drinking or what type of drugs have you been taking today.?" I was appalled and assaulted once again and I asked him to take pictures of the marks and he said " what marks, I don't see any marks." I was bleeding on my hand from a fingernail cut and I insisted he take pictures of my neck and hand. He didn't believe me and left without any arrest being made.

I am once again a victim that is made to look crazy, but God knows all the truth and He is my only advocate in this case. My lawyer told me to get my things I have to pay the off duty officer $50/hour in cash only. I have 26 years worth of stuff to get, there is no way I can afford that and why should I when my hubby is the one that made the assault and yet I am having to pay once again for someone elses abusive ways. Not fair at all...



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