Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

It was ok, till it wasn’t anymore.

So I was at a pub with family, and we had a he of time. Drinking, karaoke, pool and lots more drinking.
There was a guy there, and we were talking and it was ok. He approached again and I said "I am with my family, I am just going to be with them." And I walked to another part log the bar. This kept happening, and I thought it was ok at first, because if I walked away he left me alone. I have never been with a guy Or been flirted with, so I was ok with the flirting for the most part. A little uncomfortable but I thought that was because it was new.
At the end of the night, he approached again and I thought it would be ok. And it was, he kissed and cuddled and that I was fine with. He asked me to go home but I said no, my uncle is on his way. And it seemed ok.
But then he turned me around and wrapped his arm too tightly around me and I froze. I had never been in this situation. He was grinding on me, and pushing and pulling on my breast. That was when I said "Stop!", but he kept touching me, he then tried to get under my top, that's when I got scared. I said "no, let me go" and he stopped but wouldn't let go. He had my wrists and if my cousin didn't come around the corner I am scared to think he may not have let go when I pulled out of his arm. As soon as he let go, I walked away to a group of people And sat with them. He followed me and kept calling my name and I said "no, that's it" and kept walking.

I was ok with everything that had happened, and I have been telling everyone it's ok
That if I wasn't so drunk, I wouldn't even care. That I would have been fine. But I have never been more scared then when I said no and he kept touching me. When I said let go, and he wouldn't immediately. When he kept following me in the car park.

I know that this is mild compared to what others have gone through, and it could have been worse or avoided with different choices, but I said no. I said stop. I said let go. Which means that he should, stop. He should have walked away. And he damn sure should have let go of my arms when I said do. I have also realised that if I am uncomfortable and scared to immediately walk away.


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