Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Is this rape or am I overreacting?

I need some insight on something that happened to me two years ago. I'm willing to hear any input that you guys have about it. I've been through every online resource I can look up and nothing has given me clear closure about what happened.

Two years ago, I started to get involved with a guy I met through work. However, he had a girlfriend and a baby on the way. That didn't stop either of us. Fast forward to a few months later and he's giving me rides home from work. One night he pulls into a parking lot (like we do sometimes so I can give him oral). And he wants sex this time, but I've never done that before and as soon as he suggested it, I hesitated and I knew I shouldn't do it and I felt uncomfortable in the car in an empty parking lot. I didn't say anything to him, I just handed him a condom and got over myself. I never said no and he never threatened me, but I knew from past encounters that if I didn't have sex with him soon, he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I felt like I had to have sex with him in order to keep him interested in me. I didn't want to, but to keep him around I felt like I had to.

And then about a month or so later, the same scenario plays out. He takes me home and pulls into the parking lot and asks for sex. I don't say anything this time either. But this time, he penetrated me anally. I was not wanting that at all and he never asked me for my consent for sex or for that kind of sex. I was in pain and I was pretty sure he knew I was, but he kept going until he was done. I felt violated and weak and he wasn't concerned at all.

This last time, I had invited him to come over in the morning the night before. But when he got there, I got really uncomfortable and nervous and I didn't want to do anything once he got there. He had to practically drag me over to get me to sit next to him. He didn't say anything, he just took my hands and did everything practically for me and I was quiet and I was uncomfortable and I was not wanting to be doing any of it.

I just want closure on what happened and I can't give that to myself and I will listen to anyone's opinion and thank you in advance.



We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Comments are currently closed.