I’m sorry I’m so weak
Today I told my fiancé about the time I was sexually assaulted. A story I have never shared with anyone. When I was 8 I played a lot of school sports but driving back to school from sport matches the van was small and the girls had to sit in the boys laps. Some boys took to sticking their fingers in my vagina without any sort of consent and would take turns. Frozen in fear and confusion I just sat there, I mean I was only 13. I ended up quitting sport terrified to go back. Years later I was sexually assaulted by a man I went in a blind date with, he pulled me in a corner masturbated all over me and pulled my top off and left, turns out his intentions were never for a date. My fiancé listened and his only reaction was "well you didn't tell anyone, so what did you expect". And in that moment I had regretted opening up. Because just like I knew I would feel if I told anyone he didn't understand my pain or sadness he just blamed me. And this is the man I am supposed to marry who loves me endlessly and he even blames me. Maybe I am to blame then
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‹ I don’t know what to do now. My girlfriend blames me for my past sexual abuse ›
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Firstly you are not weak,you’ve survived some horrific experiences and come through the the other side, that takes a lot of strength and courage. You’re also very brave, it’s a terrifying thing to open up to someone about these kind of things, even if you believe you can trust the person you’re disclosing to, so please give yourself the credit for doing so. I’m so sorry that the response you received was not supportive, unfortunately some people do not know/ understand how to react to such revelations, but this is not your problem, you have done nothing wrong and no matter what anyone says You are Not to blame for what happened to you. You are strong brave courageous and resilient never forget that. Take care and be strong you are worthy.x
In my work I have heard many many experiences such as yours, where women have disclosed abuse to their nearest and dearest only to find they are shamed, blocked and often times abandoned. I have also had women tell me that they have been loved and supported throughout their healing process. We cannot demonise individuals but more we must question a systemic societal illness which denigrates those who are in pain, which is seen as weakness. You have not made a mistake in believing that those who love you will not judge you, but we need to take into account the fact that those who love you may also judge you. If you believe in your fiance then I would recommend you both speak to someone to see you through this. If you have lost faith in your fiance then you need some space and reflect as to whether you can regain this faith and trust. I hope this helps. It has never been nor ever will be your fault, and nor is it your blame to carry. Take care.