Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I’m always making an issue

I have just gone to visit my parents and been sat face to face with a rapist. Not only have my parents happily invited a rapist into a house knowing full well there daughter was raped they have done it when she has come around to visit; not sure which is most offensive. I am understandably I am upset, or at least i feel i its understandable. When i raised it they apologised, I am still not happy since only about 30 mins has passed and i am stressed and feel sick. I complained and i was told: 'you're always the one making an issue'. I cried and i was making a fuss.

Not rapists, not my family inviting them into the house with their daughter who has PSTD... the daughter, the victim, she is the one always making an issue and crying.


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4 thoughts on “I’m always making an issue

  • laura says:

    I relate so much to your situation,JJ.Once,a friend of my parents tried to rape me.Not only they didn’t do anything about it,but they also talked about him in my presence,telling me how much they miss me.Recently,a neighbour has respect issues towards me,badly offending me whenever he sees me.I could tell my parents,but i don’t want to add insult to injury.I’d surely augment my pain expecting them to go to his door,putting him in his place.I know that my expectation are in vain.

    No real parent puts you face to face with your rapist.That’s intentional sadistic cruel behavior.You’re not the one making an issue.THEY are the problem,not you.Quality people don’t make rapists their friend.’Offensive’ is a too weak word for what they did to you.That’s disgusting.I’m so revolted myself because i’ve been through something similar and it feels like betrayal.In my oppinion,abusers are not parents.If you can,go no contact and accept the fact that you have no parents.That’s what i did and it helped me cope with life in general.The world is a jungle,and situations like these are not worth your pain or ruminating about something you’ll never change.

  • laura says:

    …telling me how much they miss HIM.Sorry

  • Gilraen says:

    You are not making an issue. They are! I feel this is unforgivable. I feel so sad for you that your parents so clearly are letting you down.

  • Redskies says:

    I believe you. You do whatever you need to do to stay safe and if that means laying down rules to your parents, you get to do that. And please know that you have no cause to feel ashamed or guilty for what happened, for having to make rules to protect yourself both emotionally and physically, or for getting upset that you are having to do that. You are entitled to be upset. You are the important person here and you get to feel how you feel.

    I hope you get more empathy and care from your parents, going forwards, but you do whatever you need to do. If that means not going near them, then so be it.