Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

IDK What To Think

I often find myself thinking about one of my past relationships, which was definitely abusive in all meanings of the word, when I'm depressed, and something has stood out to me that I never really thought about before. I'm currently with a different guy who is very sexually dominant and sometimes pushes me into having sex when I'm not in the mood, but I know he would stop if I truly wanted him to. So, I've been thinking I should probably tell him that I was raped as a child, which I've seen counselors for long ago and dealt with. But then I remembered how that past boyfriend reacted when I told him. He said "I forgive you", literally that he forgave me for being raped. I don't know if it's just how he was raised being a hardcore Muslim who grew up in Egypt or what but it definitely stung and made me feel dirty for awhile. So I'm a little afraid to tell my new man because I don't think I can deal with being told that again. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm a little conflicted.


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One thought on “IDK What To Think

  • Admin says:

    You don’t have to tell anyone about your experience. It is your experience to share with those you trust. Your previous partner had no right to say what he said. That is a truly horrible statement so lacking in empathy and kindness. It was not your fault when you were a child and it is not your fault now.

    Equally, any man who pushes you into sex even when you aren’t interested is not a good partner. He is committing sexual assault. You have every right to refuse and he must accept that.

    These are the free phone numbers for the national rape crisis organisations in the UK. The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. You can also find local support services on their websites.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)