Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I was raped when drunk and my husband is blaming me.

Three years ago I was at a party and drank way too much. I blacked out and found out a couple days later that someone had sex with me. I remember telling the guy that if he was only talking to me to get laid, that is wasn't going to happen, because I am married. I finally told my husband last week and he said it was my fault and I should have pushed him off of me or screamed for help. I'm so lost and confused and my heart hurts bad. I destroyed my marriage because I got drunk. Any advice?


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One thought on “I was raped when drunk and my husband is blaming me.

  • Admin says:

    Your husband is completely wrong. You did not destroy your marriage. You are the victim of a crime. The only person responsible is the man who chose to rape you.

    This campaign from Rape Crisis Scotland explains all the normal ways victims respond to trauma: https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/i-just-froze/ All are normal. This is not your fault.

    These are the free phone numbers for the national rape crisis organisations in the UK. The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. You can also find local support services on their websites.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)