I don’t know if it was rape

August 4, 2017, Scared, Personal Experiences,

We were camping, he was drunk and he kept grabbing my breasts I'd push his hands off and 2 seconds later they'd be back. I told him maybe we shouldn't and don't do things you'll regret and then he asked me to go in the camp with him, I know I'm an idiot and that I shouldn't have but I couldn't hurt his feelings and it was his birthday too I can't hurt people I hate hurting people. And whilst we're in the tent he keeps trying to put his hands down my pants and I tell him no and I give him excuses but its never enough and he has a response for everything and anything I did wasn't enough. He asked me to give him head I shrugged I told him maybe we shouldn't and I kept repeating don't do something you'll regret but it wasn't enough. Later we had full on intercourse I didn't want to I tried so hard but I didn't want to hurt him. He was one of my closest friends I thought I could trust him I feel broken and betrayed and like its all my fault. Is it? You know he messaged me saying he's disgusted at me and that I should have stopped him and to not tell anyone cause its embarrassing for him. I should have tried harder I guess it really is all my fault I don't know if it was rape or not but it was my fault either way

 

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