Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I don’t know if I was raped

Me and my ex boyfriend recently broke up about 2 months ago. We were dating for 3 years before that. ever since we broke up I was having a hard time and every time I tried to talk to him about it he ignored me. Eventually we became "friends" and were texting again and he invited me over one night. I got there and he kept trying to have sex with me and I realized once I got there I didn't want to because I knew I would regret it. I continuously said no I don't want to or get off but he wouldn't. He wasn't harming me or being agreesive in a bad way which confuses me to if this was rape. Eventually I just gave up and let him have sex with me because I knew he wouldn't give up. After we have sex we were just laying down and he wanted to do it again a little later on but this time I didn't say no because I already did it once why would I fight it again. I didn't wanna do it and I deeply regret it. I don't know if this counts as rape or me just giving in.


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2 thoughts on “I don’t know if I was raped

  • Katie says:

    I am so sorry this happened to you. It was definitely rape – I don’t have any doubts about this. You didn’t freely consent and he had no belief that you were consenting because you made it obvious that you weren’t. It doesn’t have to be additionally violent or aggressive to be rape but the act of rape is violence. I recommend reading about aquaintance rape. Rape is rape but has added confusion when it’s someone you know.

  • Lily says:

    This was rape as you were clear you did not want to have sex with your ex boyfriend. Rape does not have to be a violent, noisy affair. It is statistically perpetuated by a person the victim knows.
    If you are reliving it or having nightmares about it, please go to a rape crisis centre near you or if you are in London, the Haven is fabulous. My thoughts and prayers are rooting for you. You are a survivor.