Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I cant tell my boyfriend that my friend assaulted me (content note)

I had planned a holiday to see a an online friend and meet in person, he knew i had a boyfriend and i had asked my boyfriends permission to visit my friend.
When i got there everything was fine, my friend was great and friendly. My first night there we had drinks and my friend kissed me, it was a peck and i laughed but did ask for no more of that behaviour. We kept drinking and then went to sleep. The next day we hung out at his friends house, and then ate dinner and again went to bed.
I woke to my friend with himself pressed into my back and then as i moved away he put himself between my legs. I pretended to be asleep in hopes that he would stop, but he didnt. He had sex with me and i layed there telling myself it would be over soon.
I left that morning and have since cut him out of my life.
I told my boyfriend that he kissed me, and pressed himself into my back but not the rest... i have been assaulted twice before and both times i have been told it was my fault.
If i tell my boyfriend, i know he will leave me because i kept it from him and lied that nothing had happened.
I have to keep this assault to myself and tell myself i can move forward with my life.
how can i forget this ever happened?


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2 thoughts on “I cant tell my boyfriend that my friend assaulted me (content note)

  • Admin says:

    This is not your fault. Your previous assaults were not your fault.

    I”m sorry you cannot share your experience with your partner but you are not responsible for his actions either. It would be tremendously unkind to end a relationship with a woman who is dealing with the trauma of rape because she did not feel in a position to articulate her experience.

    Below are the freephone numbers of Rape Crisis.
    The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. They will believe you and they will help support you. Please reach out to one of these specialist organisations and remember that we believe you.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)

  • lynda says:

    hi K, i am sorry this has happened to you its never the fault of the victim its always the fault of the perpetrator. I urge you to talk to the organisations above when your ready and in your own time to process what has happened to yourself. Thank you for sharing such a personal story your amazing brave and courageous especially its happened twice before. Please dont blame yourself because its happened before its the other persons fault who violated you not yours at all. Often when a assault is happening we either fight freeze or flight this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation that has happened to us and our bodies just reaction in this way. I hope you will get the support and listened to and believed but also no that your not alone in this we read the many stories on this website and in solidarity we are with you in your recovery. I send big hugs to you take care keep safe Lynda