Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I believed the lies about me were true

It can be very difficult to unlearn all the victim blaming messages that have been imposed on us since childhood and continue to be imposed in all different forms by society over and over again. The media are the worst perpetrators and people believe them, as have I.

I am a survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse, male childhood sexual abuse, and a ten year abusive relationship with a narcissist. Here are some of the messages I have had to unlearn:
I was a sexual child and invited the abuse
I consented to being groomed and raped at age 15
When I was 8 I was capable of saying no to a sexually abusive teacher
It is easy to leave an abusive partner
I am a terrible mother for not leaving a domestically abusive relationship sooner
As a survivor of multiple perpetrators it must be something about me that caused them all
I am bad and need to be punished
I am a liar
I am an attention seeker
I am a slut
I am dirty
Mothers don't sexually abuse their children
It didn't happen

I could go on.

I like to imagine living in a society where recovery from rape and sexual abusive are not compounded and made all the more treacherous by victim blaming. It is despicable that we live in a society that colludes and protects perpetrators of rape, domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse.

We have a long way to go in changing all this crap but at least we have made a start. I thank the people that are protesting at such injustice, hearing messages over the last few years such as rape is ALWAYS the fault of the rapist has been immensely helpful in my recovery. Victims have enough to deal with without being blamed on top.

It was NOT my fault.


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2 thoughts on “I believed the lies about me were true

  • Admin says:

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. We believe you, and know it was not your fault.

    We list some support services on our ‘Get Support’ page who will offer you support towards recovery.

    Sending peaceful thoughts x

  • maria binnie says:

    i know a lot of this what you suffered/suffer as i do every day wake up for less than a second at peace then i remember i remmber the truth of what happened (which was repressed until last year) and the day every day is a struggle from then on. My family don’t believe me they in fact hate me yet the one who is lying is my mother she has lied about me my whole life to take the blame off the physical abuse my father did they made me the bad one but the worst what is almost impossible to got over is when it is the mother that betrays. Everyday i have to go thruogh this process realise after the shock the grief the anger at not being beleived the hoeplessness of loosing whole family yet it did happen so finally some sort of semi peace only to go to bed and wake up for the whole process to start over. Almost destroying anything left anyone left the one person who does believe and love me