Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

He stole my virginity

Just like every other weekend my friends and I went to a campus bar except this time we drank too much almost to the point of completely blacking out. My friend knew a couple of guys so when the bar closed we left with them. If only I had known she didn't know them that she had just met them (they were sober). So we went back to their apartment and my friend goes upstairs with one of the guys (this is normal for her) so I'm sitting on the couch with the other and we are talking. Then we are kissing. I only remember in bits and pieces so the next thing I remember he is pushing my skirt up over my hips and slipping of my panties. I see him putting a condom on and I say no and push his chest. All he says is "are you a virgin" I nod my head assuming he'd stop but he replied with "it's okay" and continued. I don't remember if he finished putting the condom on or not. I remember it hurting and just laying there waiting for it to be over. When it was I went to the bathroom and notice I was bleeding and I was sore. I went upstairs to get my friend and when I opened the door I saw her laying on the ground with no pants passed out. While I'm struggling to get her pants on her and get her up the guy she was with was touching me and trying to convince me to have a threesome with them. At this point I'm trying to sober up because I just want to go home. I tell him no but he slips his hand down my skirt, the other guy comes up and takes me in a room and asks why I was letting that guy touch me that only he could touch me. So then he starts putting his hand down my skirt and I grab his hand and get my friend and tell them someone needed to drive us home. So one the way back he continues to touch me and I just wait for the ride to be over. There was a lot of missing time I don't remember because I didn't get home until 7 am. I remember telling my friends that I made out with this guy and how we almost had sex but didn't. I was in denial. The next couple days everytime id go to the bathroom it's be painful and there was blood. I realized that I didn't "almost have sex" that I did and I was hoping that if no one knew or if I didn't admit it that I could pretend it didn't happen. But I couldn't. I cried for what seemed like forever. Every time I would close my eyes it would replay in my mind, it still does 6 months later. And the thing is that I don't know his name or what he looks like. I was so drunk that I wouldn't recognize him if I saw him. All I remembered was he was 24 and I was 18. I felt like it was my fault and I felt like I wasn't raped because I didn't do more to stop him.


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