Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

chance encounters

So for two years after separating from my husband have had him following me he goes away and then returns. I recently have started a new relationship and in the past month have seen my estranged husband for the past 28 days. I have a non molestation which has been extended three times now.

I reported my husbands recent behaviour to the police and gave a statement where today I have been told that they are chance encounters. He just happens to be around when I leave home, return home, take the children out, pick the bf up from the station etc.
The thing is the estranged husband leaves 8 miles away and works in the same town he works so find it hard to believe. He has got a delivery job in my area at weekends, which is odd too.

I just do not believe that they are chance encounters and find it very hard to believe that the police choose those words. They told me to stop reporting seeing him and that I should just get on with my life with my new boyfriend. I just have to accept that he will be around and as he is not harming me then there is nothing that can be done.

Sadly let down again, not the first time in two years and know that this police force have admitted to letting me and my children down due to other incidents, it will probably be another apology written to me. But that does not stop the fear, pain and suffering.


We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Comments are currently closed.

2 thoughts on “chance encounters

  • Admin says:

    The police are wrong to tell you to stop reporting. This is stalking and harassment and you have every right to report to the police and for them to take the case seriously.

    You can approach these organisations for support:

    National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300

    Domestic violence helpline: 0808 2000 247 (run by Women’s Aid and Refuge)

  • lynda says:

    hi Jenny I am so sorry your going through this and it seems that your alone in this sorting it out. You should not have to live in your community looking behind your shoulder all the time with fear, pain and suffering. Sometimes public bodies do not understand at times the psychological impact domestic violence has on another human being. Even though we don’t live with the perpetrator anymore the fear is always in the back on your mind are they watching are they going to come back and hurt us even more. I am so sorry that you have not had any understanding from the police about the psychological effect stalking has on your mind and body. You deserve to start a new life without fear, pain and suffering and be able to move forward in your own time when your ready. I would ring the number that the administrator gave you the National Stalking Helpline they might know an organisation in your area that can advocate for you with the police and make them understand the psychological impact your ex is having on you and see if they can add something onto your Non-molestation order that can protect you even more than it is now. Thank you for sharing your amazing brave and courageous story. I hope you get the support and help that you deserve good luck I send you my hugs and love take care Lynda.