Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Boyfriend doesn’t believe I was assaulted

It was in my first two weeks of college and my roommates and I went down town. I was decently drunk and I didn’t know exactly where we ended up, but it was some apartment house. I was talking to this kid and began to lean on him, but I didn’t mean to and I would have leaned on anybody because I get very dizzy when I’m drunk. Nonetheless, I leaned on him. He asked if I wanted to get a beer and I said sure, but the keg had kicked. He said there was more beer in the back. Naively, I followed him. He brought me to a room and I said there isn’t any beer in here and he was like I know and put his arms around me and began to kiss my neck. I said “I am too drunk for this” “what are you doing” and “stop” and he was like I’m just kissing you. Long story short he had me against the wall penetrated me with his fingers and pulled down my pants before I finally hit him and ran out the door. I couldn’t believe what had just happened and it made me feel so sick and I wanted to die. I tried to gather the courage to tell my boyfriend the next day, but I just told him that I had leaned on him and out of no where he kissed me without asking. I did this partly because I tried to tell the whole story and I couldn’t get myself to speak, and partly because I wanted to see if he was understanding that I had been drunk and didn’t consent. To my surprise, he was very upset and started questioning me a lot. He told me he believed me but thought it was weird. Ever since then I internalized it. Flash forward to now: for the first time since then, he started asking me more questions and kept saying stuff “just tell me what happened” and “I feel like there’s more”. I didn’t want to talk about it so I kept denying it. He wouldn’t let it go and kept implying that we did more, but that he wasn’t angry, so to avoid revealing what happened I just said fine we made out but I told him I didn’t want to. He started crying and dumped me on the stop. At this point I had lost everything and the only thing I cared about was having him understand, so I told him the whole story. He can’t seem to decide if he believes me or not, he says that’s how can he believe me after I had lied and that I’m just telling him as a last ditch effort to keep him from breaking up with me. And I understand that I wish I had told him from the beginning. I just ruined my entire relationship and I don’t know what to do.



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