Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Am I overreacting?

So, last weekend I met a guy at a bar and we got along really good. I decided to invite him over to my place after the bar. We started kissing and and touching each other, typical foreplay things. I felt his fingers down my pants and he was uncomfortably close to my butthole, which I don't like at all. I pushed his arm away, he stopped and we continued. His hands were down my pants again and I thought he is going to finger me, but his fingers went further down to my asshole and instead of pushing him away I told him no. He continued and penetrated my ass with his fingers. I pushed him away and started screaming at him. He stopped immediately and I saw that he felt bad about it. He wanted to talk about it, but I just wanted to get him out of my house. He apologized about it several times, but finally he left. I told a friend about it, but she said that I overreacted and that in the heat of things stuff like that happens. But I feel totally violated, I showed him several signs of not being comfortable with that.


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One thought on “Am I overreacting?

  • Jo Wood says:

    Anything after “no”, implied or stated, is assault/rape, depending on item used. You are not over-reacting. If it felt wrong to you and you didn’t want it – it was wrong. I would suggest contacting your local rape crisis centre or similar and talking it through confidentially. It may help you come to terms with what he did and make sense of your feelings about it.