Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Stamping victim blaming with Return to Sender!

As a ‘revenge porn’ victim (and as a woman) it's not unusual to be turned down when we reach out for help. It's unacceptable, bullsh%t...but still not uncommon. Its ok, serve up your rejection! Place it on our plate and put it right next to the extra large portion of determination, the scoop of tenacity, and to the right of the serving of never giving up. We didn't make it this far by being shoved into a corner and silenced.

We've spent our lives fighting to be heard, fighting for a chance in a man's world. We've earned our black belt in surviving a step behind our male counterpart, our fingers turning blue while holding for what we've earned.

When an offense is committed against a woman it's hard to decide which attacks are worse; those from the male community or those from their own? Women are just as quick to victim blame their fellow females and point out all the reasons why what happened to them happened, why it’s their fault, and why they’re a whore.


The attacks from men vary from those opinions of women are merely born to be sex objects so we should just deal with it, to the how could you put yourself in that position (clearly those are from perfect, saints). Somewhere in the midst of all of that judgment and ignorant self-righteousness are the supporters who literally keep victims alive!! For them, we are forever grateful.
However, I think every victim wants to know why? Why do complete strangers spew their hate driven comments of victim blaming onto a women they have never met and know nothing about? Why do they throw stones from their glass houses acting as though this would never happen to them? I think we’re all intelligent enough to acknowledge no one it safe from evil. Evil comes in many forms, it’s sneaky, and it’s very much an equal opportunity attacker.


I wonder if it were them in trouble and crying for help would they say things like; “After seeing your naked photos I can only imagine what kind of person you are. Kiss your career goodbye, all you’ll ever be good for is a good f$%king”? Or the simple “WHORE!!!” Trying to come to terms with the fact some are brazen enough to approach you in person and say things like “I can tell by your photos that you sleep around a lot. You shouldn’t be such a whore.” WHAT!? I mean I can tell by your words that karma is going to be very ugly to you!

A victim should NEVER have to defend themselves! To anyone! Period! They should never have to explain why they were at a certain place at a certain time and maybe if they hadn’t been there a disgusting predator may not have attacked them. They should never have to justify why they sent a nude photo to their husband, or boyfriend and then say well if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have posted them on the internet, causing me to lose my job, and be stalked and harassed until I almost took my life. Put the blame where it goes…on the perpetrator! I mean come on! At any time, anyone of us can become a victim of someone’s sick twisted vengeful mind. Why do we blame the victim for the act committed by an evildoer rather than the person committing the act!?

Well, I won’t accept the blame anymore. All the attacking tweets, condescending Facebook messages, and ridiculous victim blaming comments under articles save it… you’re simply wasting your time. I KNOW who I am and I REFUSE to allow anyone to blame me for the crime that was committed against me. As hard as it is to ignore the screaming in my ears from the hateful mouths of ignorance, I’m done. I’m a human and I know how to treat other properly, I’m sorry if you don’t. But I’m done letting you bring me down. You’re either with me or you’re against me. And those on the “against me” side of the line, you’ve been dismissed from my life. I will only surround myself with positive, supportive, decent human beings who want what’s best for others and the world.

To victims I say; be proud of who you are! Those attacking you couldn’t walk a millisecond in your shoes! Trust me! You don’t have to accept ANY of their words, or judgments. Write them down or print them out, burn them and move on. Then look past the hate, past the “perfect” little trolls in their glass houses throwing stones and see the beautiful positive supporters you have that will fight for you, with you!! Cherish them! Focus on them as if a lighthouse in the middle of a dark sea and they will guide you home.

Hollie Toups

, , , , , , , ,

Comments are currently closed.