will abuse go from childhood abuse to domestic violence to institutional abuse
When we as survivors/warriors of abuse try to stand and say no more we leave our abusive families the first moment we can straight away to try and navigate a world full of fear full of life and try to understand and deal with our life full of distress. We as women and men fight to build our self-esteem and confidence to then find a partner a lover who we think will be different from out abusers but no the circle carries on and we find the person in front of us is a psychopath narcissist and we at first think he's the bees knees. No he isn't a a sheep in wolf's clothing. The drip drip of abuse we don;t see for along time we see the love or thought was love till we looked in the mirror and the years have gone bye so slowly. We become robots to our painful existence to our life we have no voice we become closed even to our own life to our own pain and distress. We agree with doctors when they say we are defective that their is something wrong with us we are alien to a world who is indifferent but we are also indifferent to a world full of pain illusion full of nothing. Then slowly as the person we loved became the person we fear the person we hate the person who is alien to us because the person we loved we thought we safe is not safe anymore. We walk on egg shells we stand and wait for the next attack the next anger the put down their destruction of you and you then become no more to yourself and to others. We walk like a robot no feelings like were on auto pilot and we become no more.
The person we loved wasn;t the person we saw the lies that came unraveled as we see the person in front of us as a stranger who we never really knew. A person who is nice to everybody but you your children saw the real person and for me it was nearly to late but i saw for the first time my eyes were opened it wasn't me i wasn't mad or crazy manipulated by you manipulated to make you feel good and me to be made to feel bad. The i saw the drip drip effect of a toxic relationship i wanted more i deserved more. Then your lies protected you from the truth the police the local authority and the mental health trust became your allies. You manipulated them all to show that i lied but i maybe a cow sometimes S i know i say it has it is but i am what i am warts and all strengths and weaknesses. From you as a jailer i was locked in a house with no where to go and i have gone backwards because of institutional abuse their protectors have become my jailers and now i am in a abusive relationship again not with you but the institutional abusers.
The police, the local authority and the mental health trust and also anybody else who has got involved along the way from you the rapist who raped me from the abuse from the professionals my life hasn;t changed that much from one person to another. I thought my voice would be heard not really heard just to abuse me again to abuse me my children.
My life hasn;t changed since you left i have still have no power and control over my life even when i stand and voice to be heard i'm not heard just bullied and dis empowered even more. What has my life been but full of rape abuse and despair. The circle has not been broken tonight on twitter a police officer i guess they think is funny to put a picture of a male on twitter with bruises on his back going on about domestic violence considering the police know i had bruises on my arms and inside legs after being raped i guess it's okay for me to be the butt of a joke about this by the police. Especially that is a trigger for me to have a flashback i guess being bullied and lack of understanding of CPTSD and things that can trigger you and make you go back in the past to the pain and the distress. I see that my life has never changed and never will till the day i die that i am here to be laughed at humiliated and make jokes about my rape and abuse by professionals here where i live.
I see that the local police force will never change the ethos of the way they see me or rape victims or people with a mental difficulties any other way. I m being made to feel guilty for them to safeguard me but i didn;t ask for this situation i wanted to resolve this ive been to the headquarters and the police crime commissioners office in my area to resolve this and the bullying has got worse. Like tonight they just put things on twitter to hurt me and its unkind and cruel but thats what i've have to put up with here with the police. I even rang to get a solicitor from Manchester uni to get a person training in law to advocate for me to stop this situation. They spoke once to me and never got back in touch this is how powerful these people are to destroy another this has got to destroy me not to be able to access support to again to go and speak to the police with a solicitor. But they never wanted to resolve this and want to destroy me and my kids this is how the police have treated me since they knew i went to the IPCC I am having to give up uni because of the bullying and try to find a safe place for me and my children to live where is safe who knows. I say to any victim of rape, abuse if you report to the police please take a solicitor with you so you won;t be victim blamed or not believed if you have mental health difficulties or a learning disabilities or even a physical difficulty. Make sure that if you don;t have that sort of support to access instead have some sort of advocate and get the police to explain everything to you and keep copies of everything and ask them to use easy read or write things down. Their are some amazing police officers who go above the call of duty who understand about child abuse and domestic violence/ rape and have an understanding of disabilities/mental health and then some who don;t but i never ever want another person ever go through the distress and pain these people have caused me and my children.
Their are three people who i say were good police officers to me and my kids who have helped me and i say thank you to them because they who have made me felt better because you were kind caring and helped me and one PCSO stood out for her kindness care and compassion, she stood up in a meeting to help me against the professionals who were bullying me and stood up to my ex so i say thank you i will never forget that ever.So for me another struggle another person who i can write on my soul who have nearly destroyed me and have hurt me so much. All even though i love myself and i'm worth it i guess others don;t think i'm worth it and my life isn't worth it but i say to anybody my life is worth living, having an education, a job, good health care. i am worth it even if you can't see that because of your dislike of me i am worth it and so are my children are worth it a life full of fun with out fear and abuse and bullying and hate because right now that is all i see from you.
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