Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

What did he do to me? What do i do?? (content note)

I dated a guy for 3 months we never touched or did anything physical when i met him for the first time he kissed me eve though i said no. He kept touching me and fingering me i told him to stop but he kept going. I tried to fight off the pleasure because I didn't want him to think that i want him to keep going! I was on top of him trying to avoid contact he did not like it so he went on top of me so that I couldn't move. I never touched a guy before in my whole life it was all new and overwhelming. I told him to stop but he kept rubbing his thing on top of my cloths then he sucked my nipples and i told him no but he kept going. I was fighting the pleasure and because i've never been in this position before i thought embarrassed from my reaction. After he did that i gave in then he stopped. I burst our crying shaking and sobbing i was cold the whole time and shivering i couldnt stop crying he said that he was sorry and i dont know why i told him that it was not his fault and that ot was mine. I felt extremely guilty. Instead of dumping him i found myself very drawn to him not emotionally but in away that i wantef to do anything to make it work. I wanted ro justify what i think i did by at least makeinv it work between us. I felt that he owns me somehow. the next time we met, i told him that i did not wanna do anything deep. But we did it all cause he wouldn't listen to me when i say no. He would get mad and i felt that i was obligated to say yes. I finally broke up with him the day after we met and it was clear that he did not mind i mean he took all what he wanted anyways. And i cant forget what he did whenever someone touches me I remember him and i start crying again. I dont know what is wrong with me! I feel used weak and. worthless.

 

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