Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Were you really ever my friend?

P had been my friend since 2009 when I was 19. He was about ten years older than me, had a good job and was involved in the same friendship group as me.

We had a good friendship. He'd be there for me with bad break ups and many depressive episodes I suffered with. I'd probably see him nearly every week.
I enjoyed being his friend.

Sometimes it would be suggested that we could be more than friends. I always said no. I didn't feel that way about him and didn't want to ruin our friendship.

People would make jokes and others assumptions that I was his girlfriend. I still made it clear we were only ever going to be friends.

At a friend's birthday party I had a little bit too much to drink. The room was spinning.
I thought he was trying to help me. He led me to a dark corner where he tried to touch Me under my tights and then my knickers. I tried to move his hand but he was stronger than me. I didn't want it to happen. I had never wanted it to happen.

He left the party pretty quickly after that.I had to listen to people tell me how much of a great couple we'd make over and over again that night.

I felt like I could tell no body. No body would believe me.

Soon after I got a new boyfriend and P stopped talking to me. I sometimes see him at social occassions and he acts like nothing happened that night. So do I. I watch how all my friends tell him he's a great guy.

I thought he was my friend.

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3 thoughts on “Were you really ever my friend?

  • MJ says:

    He is/was not a friend.

    I hope you find some help – thinking of you x

  • Katie says:

    No, he was never your friend. The fact that you said no to him more than once tells me he only hung around hoping you would change your mind and when you didn’t he took what he wanted when he had the opportunity. I am sorry that happened to you. It’s very hard when it’s someone we trust. It makes us doubt when others are nice to us and question everything.They act like nothing happened to confuse us and make sure we keep silent about it. I think you are brave to face him at these social events x

  • lynda says:

    Hi Anonymous, just want to say thank you for sharing. The person P is not a friend I m sorry you had to go through this and he treated you in this way. You have every right to feel safe, respected for your personal space and boundaries of your body. Even if you had been drinking that does not give another human being the right to overstep your personal space and violate you. This gentlemen took advantage of you when you were a bit under the influence of alcohol this is not a kind of friend that you need in your life. Often people don’t really no other human beings unless you live with them. I hope that you are able to talk to someone what happened to you that night at the party and that it is never your fault but the person who made that choice that night to take advantage of you when you were vulnerable. Your amazing person and I wish you the best and send my hugs love to you take care keep safe Lynda