Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Was I raped, even if I didn’t say “no”

My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up over a month ago. I found out he had a new girlfriend and so I thought I should move on too. There was this guy who I was talking to and I had slept with him once previously. But the second time I had sex with him scared me. It started off with me going to his house and we were laying in his bed kissing, he began to grab my neck slightly and pull me close. Then he forced me on top of him. We started having sex and It started to hurt and burn. I asked him "can we change positions or stop for a second" and he said "give me a few" and then he started to choke me harder and harder, I told him that I couldn't breath and I that it hurt. He obviously didn't like that but he kept going anyways. Then I was asked "can we switch positions" and then he pulled my hair and started pushing my head down for me to seep throat him and I kept nudging my head up. He pushed my head down and forced me to give him head and I couldn't keep the speed up for he pushed my head down and thrusted himself into my mouth. I was about to puke so I turned my face to the side for a break. He came on me as I pulled up and he got pissed that I decided not to swallow. As I sat up in bed to get some air he said "get dressed you're leaving"... I have never felt more dirty or used in my life but I can't tell if it were rape or if it was just bad sex that didn't have communication.

 

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