I have been in an emotionally, verbally and sexually abusive marriage for 20 years! My soul is dying and I am now in the process of getting out. It started out with him always wanting sex and if he didn't get it he would pout, sulk and tell me that" men have needs". It didn't matter how often we had sex or what I did , he would still complain.I found out he was literally watching porn all night and forgoing sleep to do it. He has also taken pictures of me nude and has hidden video cameras to record me nude( without my consent) No matter how many times I would cry and tell him that it makes me feel violated and unsafe he would still do it. His reasoning was " well it turns me on" ! How can something that destroys the trust and feelings of being safe for your wife be a turn on? A few years ago my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I wasn't sleeping at all because I was so distraught so my dr gave me a strong sleeping pill. To make a l g story short, while I was basically out cold , I awoke to my husband having sex with me . He still says he thinks he did nothing wrong ! He has cheated on me at least 3 times, has admitted to trying to make me look crazy in front of other people, tells me everything is my fault, accuses me of cheating,trys to tell me what I can and can't wear and where I can and can't work. I have also never gone on a vacation with him where he hasn't ruined it by freaking out on me about something! No matter what he does, if I get upset , he will turn it around to where he is the victim. He also has threatened to commit suicide if I leave ( I wouldn't mind ) . I have literally lost myself and question if I am even being abused?! I know this is from years and years of being treated this way and told that it's all in my head. This is just the tip of the iceberg on what he has done but it's too much to type. I pray that God gives me the strength to leave soon!
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