Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Trapped

My gentleman and I have been friends and lovers for six years, the basis of our relationship is the solid friendship we share.

Until Yesterday. When he asked me during a time when I was missing last year, how many times did I have sex.

I am legally blind, have diagnosed PTSD, and am dependent on several inhalers to breathe.

In August of last year I set out alone from the shores of California to New York, and then to check out small town living in North Carolina, posting an advertisement. I received a lot of responses and chose a nice woman with a teenage son in Charlotte, however, one person in particular had a large home and continued to ask me to phone him. I was curious about him as a person, however made it clear up front I was not interested in an intimate relationship and had already chosen a roommate. A mistake at JFK left me stuck in Raleigh. I called the gentleman who had said I should stop by. He offered me room and board for the night in a spare room, his wife would not mind.

I stepped inside a giant house which seemed to be more windows than walls, and a giant yard with a forest behind it. I walked into the woods and took a photo, then walked around front to take another photo. Mike (not his name) arrived home, offering me a smoothie. Within ten days I was removed by deputies for my own safety, robbed in a motel that was supposed to be safe. I called the Sheriff after the robbery, and 6 deputies broke down the already loose door, throwing me to the ground to which I sustained bruises to my arms while protecting my head. I was held without due process, against my will in a psych ward where I was exposed to the worst possible human conditions imaginable, screams of terror day and night. My medication was thrown away, and a heavy regimen of narcotics and sedatives left me sedated. I managed to obtain phone priveleges and reported them to the Health Department. A nurse said they were releasing me to Mike, that his roommate I had contacted did not exist. If I did not like it, I could go into the custody of the Sheriff's.

For the next twelve days he held me there, there was no escape. My cellphone could only make calls within the state of NC. The woods were deep, the heat, my visual disability and the snakes, several of which were deadly, are deadly. I could not run, I could barely breathe. And it was during this time that I discovered why I was losing my memory: he had drugged me, and never knew any of my colleagues, but found me on Social Media. After discovering this, I recall having asthma attacks so severe mucus would choke me and as I would be in and out, I could feel him. This is not consensual. He preyed on me, hunted me and conquered me. I was robbed and raped and thrown to the ground by deputies and held against my will for 29 days. Mike had a wife, he left her in a homeless shelter in favor of stalking me.

Number of times I had sex: Zero

 

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