Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Tired of Being Blamed

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He had always been very supportive of me and had never been the jealous type. A couple years ago I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor, who I trusted and thought was a friend. I waited a few days before I filed a police report because the guy who assaulted me threatened me. I finally worked up the courage to file a police report. I was interrogated multiple times by the detective. I begged for a polygraph test but was told that it would be a very long process to get it approved and the case was thrown out before it even made it to a court room due to "too much he said she said". I went to therapy for a while and it was rough on me and my boyfriend, but we made it through and I thought we were back to normal. A couple nights ago he brought up the assault. I didn't think I would ever have to talk about it again, nor did I want to. But I told my boyfriend what happened for the second time in 2 years. My boyfriend is now saying that I "changed my story" which I did not. And he is blaming me all over again. He wants me to take a polygraph to prove it "wasn't cheating". I am willing to take the test because I have nothing to hide. But I shouldn't have to and I am so offended and angry and hurt. If he wants to pay a big chunk of change just to look like a fool, so be it.



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2 thoughts on “Tired of Being Blamed

  • Hecuba says:

    You are not to blame and neither are you responsible for the male sexually assaulting you. Your boyfriend refuses to accept you are telling the truth and therefore he is not the man you thought he was. He wouldn’t be satisfied even if you were to take a polygraph test, because he will raise the issue again and again.

    He refuses to accept innumerable males sexually prey on women and girls because they can. You need to carefully consider whether you wish to continue in a relationship wherein he clearly believes you are his ‘male sexual property.’

  • Nilsson says:

    Thank you so much for this!

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