Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

There is no excuse – 50 years on

If I could never speak another word that causes another harm I would gladly be silent for the rest of my life. If I could I would keep my experience to myself.

If I could never hear another word that would cause another harm I would gladly be deaf. If I could wipe my mind of every hurtful memory I would. Then I would never have been born. I was born therefore I think, speak, have feelings, memory, have sight and hearing. I am alive.

The life that is me will not accept death before I have experienced freedom and turned towards living a life that is of my choice and connecting with people who have the will to accept nothing less.

Even when silenced I would not be quiet. Even though changing attitudes are seeking to find new ways to retell stories and constantly try to categorize my life, my life will go on until I live it out.

That's what's important to me - not what was or how it is now.

Reality is entirely different.

This abuse of child to abuse of the woman I am has been consistent over all my life. It is not the story I would have ever have chosen for myself nor would I ever choose for what is left of my existence.

Never believe what you are told about abuse, Never believe that you did it to yourself.

I remember as a child being told I was abused. I remember as a woman being told I was abused. I never accepted it because it is the excuse that abusers tell you to feign concern for your protection.

Never believe anyone who tells you that because no-one can ever tell you anything about yourself.

Institutions exist to keep your life in shackles so how can an institution ever protect or help you to be free of the stigma they labelled you with?

Be independent. Refuse to accept any label attached to your life by anyone.I experienced the story that has built up. The title is 'ABUSE'.

I can speak about the story because there were many characters, people, institutions, authorities. In the story there are people who have stories to tell. This story is for people who are still alive and refuse to be written into any one else's stories. My story is written into every part of my being and is 'non refundable'

I met a woman who knew her life for all that her experience had been and all that she was able to articulate. That woman met me on the same terms. I want to meet more people like her.

People who understand that compassion for others is not the prompt to write the chapter 'acceptance for blame' or 'learned helplessness'. This chapter is titled 'celebrated strength'because that's what we did we celebrated our strength, our lives.

Together we acknowledged each other's journey and the world we live in with courage and determination to live. I hope many people will believe in a life that is free and peaceful.

I salute this site for pioneering the realization of living a life free of blame for people who are living that chapter. May the many people who visit your site realize there are many people walking this journey into peace.


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