Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

The pain, abuse and bullying for stnading up and telling the truth.

What does it say that the world we live in protects the perpetrators of domestic violence and makes out your crazy deluded women. What does it say that people turn your back to you once wanting to help you but not anymore because they don't like what you say on social media. What does it say that your not safe in your home, on the streets where you walk, not even at university your not safe. What does it say that you can't have a great day with your child going shopping when you come around the corner in the street where you live in, that a car comes up a pavement and nearly runs you and your child down. What does it say that you can't talk, speak have conversations with others in a confidential way because you never know who is listening in and gathering information. This is what it's like in my world because I took a local nhs trust to the NHS Parliamentary ombudsman and they upheld my complaint because a local shrink called me a liar. You think the bullying would stop but no it's got worse for me and my children. Part of my complaint was she called me a liar to the local social services about domestic violence she called me liar to my local police force Merseyside Police and I have told the truth. You think that they would believed me but no they didn't so I took my local Police force to the IPCC and they didn't upheld my complaint I was already going through the complaint procedure with the NHS Trust because I wanted people to know I could never lie about being abused by my ex because that is just not the person I am and why would I be so nasty and lie about things like this to hurt another. In this country we are so negative about people who have a mental health diagnosis. We assume that all people with mental health and this is where the stigma discrimination comes from and how others treat people. That all people with BDP are into anti social behaviour because most women have been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder have been abused as children and for some then have gone through domestic violence relationship as well. I have never had a criminal record as a matter of fact since I was little I have always respected the police and the law. In some parts of the country shrinks render us as if we all are into anti social behaviour of abusing and fighting others very shallow really when I do not want to do any of this kind of behaviour but live a law abiding life and respect and live within the law. Most women who are given this type of diagnosis of borderline personality disorder they tick boxes which is we all sleep around, self harm and that we can't regulate are emotions. As a matter of fact since my ex left and way before we met I didn't have many relationships with men and so what, women should not be judge in this negative way. I do not self harm but I do comfort eat so what many people do and my emotions I am an emotional person but who wouldn't get emotional with all the trauma I've been through. Isn't better to start to feel emotions slowly than not to feel any at all. I once told this psychiatrist in Liverpool what is wrong with my personality? What is wrong your judging me and putting me into a box my life hasn't been easy but I am not a box their is so much more to us as women to be treated in this unkind evasive way. We as women all over this country are being made to feel that we are crazy we don't believe you traumatising us all over again because we've been made to feel were inadequate because were labelled as ineffective inadequate and not right their in mind and body. We as women shouldn't be treated this way because we are honest and truthful we shouldn't be blamed because of someone who can't tell the truth. Imagine how you feel when you went to tell people your husband is hurting you abusing you and they don't believe you and you have no where to turn to know where to go. Even when you get him out of the house he is allowed to still come back because the authorities told him to so a free will to come and abuse you even more. Your still trapped no where to go no where to flee because unknown to you a psychiatrist had told the safety unit you were lying so no help and your ex can do what ever he likes because the authorities in a meeting told him he can come back anytime and come back to help the kids. Your helpless your trapped nowhere to tell or nowhere to go and the abuse is getting worse that you can't deal with it that your body goes somewhere else to deal with it. Once he went to a domestic violence group run in Liverpool by the NSPCC they blamed me because I had mental health difficulties they blamed me for him abusing me. I remember I woke up once and his hands around my neck trying to strangle me so many things he's done even though were divorced it's still hard to get him out of my head and the things he did and said the flashbacks my body shaking inside sometimes I wake up and my whole body is shaking the memories I have of the abuse and nightmares sometimes waking up and I can't move my body or shout out frozen in fear. Their is so much more I can say how when their is no one to turn to to voice the horrific abuse but I am still here still fighting to be heard still trying to fight a new day for me and my children. People say you should be over it it's not that easy a life of trauma a life filled of fear and hurt a life full of abuse. I have no faith in others because they have let me down the people who supposed to safeguard me are becoming the jailers, abusers, like from my past. What does it say when the person who was supposed to love you, love your kids hated you so much wanted to destroy you and you feel that it's happening all over again with the professionals. My ex people were like ahhh isn't he wonderful taken care of that women how could you live where her and her moods. I was made to feel that I was crazy, horrible, nasty not a nice human being and I feel that is just happening right now but instead of him the professions. The school before Christmas have been bullying in meetings. so too were social services they brought in another social worker in the last meeting at the school when my child started in year 7 now in year they humiliated me and the children's social worker because he was trying to get to the truth of how social services have been having towards me then all the children's documents had gone missing because he had been helping me. Then another social worker bullied me in my home when the children's social worker came to visit saying I didn't need support and was r4eally rude. They never did minutes or brought minutes to meetings refused assessments for my son who has learning difficulties in the last meeting at school they were playing me of with my child when I discussed my child's difficulties at school because of what he told me they were making out we weren't telling the truth. They rewarded the bully at school who used violence and called him mong and talk the mick about his difficulties they rewarded the bully by paying for him to go on a school holiday. I am Still waiting for an educational psychologist report this is the second psychologist I saw in the summer term the first educational psychologist saw my son once then said in one page letter said dyslexia no diagnostic test because that takes three months I know because that's how long it took to do my diagnostic test for dyslexia that he said he would do the testing but never did. The second educational psychologist a lady in the summer saw me said would get back in touch with me after the meeting to meet my child but never did i asked in that meeting for minutes of the meeting to date no minutes has been sent I ask for these minutes in October. My daughter has a physical condition the school didn't send her educational care plan was sent to us with a forward letter no health care plan her year progress teacher didn't even turn up to meeting till later and lied to my face and I asked her to leave the meeting. Since then my child has said that the teacher has to step down from being a year progress leader. I have to take the kids out of the school because of the bullying, lying and no support for each child. I have been bullied in meetings undermined in one meeting a social worker turned around to me and said " People like you should shut up and listen to us professionals" what kind of people treat people like this in the end I gave up on my local authority, no minutes, to meetings, bullying, no children getting support, help for their difficulties, they even took away the respite once a month away from them because they were classed as young carers even to the point two years ago I asked for extra support for one of my children from young carers and it was refused because they already had support before. I have tried to work with these professionals and they have treated us all appallingly because I took and won my complaint to the NHS Parliamentary ombudsman report. Same with the police I went to give a second statement to Merseyside Police I was told by the police officer that I never gave a statement at the property about what me and my ex did to me about the domestic violence I was told by the police officer that i never lived their I was so upset two weeks later a police officer from a Liverpool police station I took down the names and dates and times of who I talked to said the police investigated it at the case was closed but I know this is not true because I've spoken to other professionals at the time police never spoke to them. I also have a documents from a child protection meeting that a social worker in a child protection meeting spoke to the said the nurse had told her the police never spoke to her. I have seen the worse kind of bullying to me and my children I have never knew when I put in the complaint to stand up to a psychiatrist about the DV and what me and the children went through with this ex that I would get this type of behaviour from all professionals. Being a law abiding citizen respecting the law and respecting the police to be treated like this is so sad and hurts my soul I could tell you many more things but I think I will stop their. Domestic violence what can you say if your a women with a mental health, learning or physical disability you will be treated first and for most they will look at your disability but not you as a women who has suffered from abuse,sexual violence and domestic violence. You might not be treated fairly or as a credible witness or might be judge as to emotional or crazy this is only from my experience. I wish all professionals will leave being biased, discrimination and stigmatizing other human beings at the door. It takes great courage and strength to walk and ask for help realising what you have been through and recognising that what you have been through. It also take women and men to walk through a police station and give a statement to talk about what you have gone through to be called a liar and not be listened to or believed and their horror and pain they go through to fight to make sure each and every person they are telling the truth. Some people are not so strong as I and lost their battle to live because of not being believed remember how would you feel if it was on the other foot and you went through want many women go through all over the world on a day to day hour to hour basis when they find the courage to go and tell someone for them to turn around and say we don't believe you. It is and can be soul destroying you in the end never trust another human being and in the end have no friends nobody to turn to so you end keeping to others all the time because you feel your voice is being silenced to the professionals who you wanted to speak to in the first place to tell them what you have gone through.


We do NOT give permission for posts published as personal experiences to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Comments are currently closed.