Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Smith

One night I went to a party with a few friends where we met up with a bunch of people. While at the party I got way more intoxicated than one should ever be. Whenever my group of friends go to a party we all have designated drivers to ensure a safe ride home. Well one of the cars we were taking home was full from other people needing a ride home so I rode with a friend and my friend's friend was sober and offered to take us home. When we got back to the house the group went on the porch to continue partying and I knew I was way past my limit so I wanted to go to bed. The guy who drove me home offered to help me to the room and no one thought anything bad would happen. After helping me into bed, he laid down on the bed too and I made it very clear that I wasn't interested in anything sexual. He "respected" my decision at first but then he came onto me. I resisted at first but gave in because he was on top of me and taking my clothes off and I didn't want to draw attention to the situation. Once he started to have sex, I immediately changed my mind but he obviously didn't care. He started to become very aggressive and I was telling him to stop multiple times because he was hurting me and attempted to push him off of me but I wasn't able to because of the size difference. When I tried to get up to get out of the room he just pushed me down and was even more aggressive. I was basically begging him to stop and he just wouldn't listen. He walked out of the house after that and didn't really say anything to anyone when he was leaving. The next day he started telling people how we had sex. To this day (two years later) the group of friends make jokes about the man and I and how I "put out" the first night meeting him because they thought it was consensual. I just kind of laugh off the jokes and change the subject. I tried to tell my close friend what happened but she said I agreed and that I wanted it. I just don't know what to do and what to think because I have all these people making the situation a joke. Over the years I've tried to tell myself that I wanted it because I didn't want to be a victim but I've been really hurting from this and I'm starting to think I am. I need help on what to do.

 

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One thought on “Smith

  • Charity says:

    It doesn’t matter if you said yes at any point. Once you say no, everything should stop and the other person should respect that. That guy is a terrible person and he will do this again, if he already hasn’t before you. Maybe your group of friends needs to change. You know what is right and what happened. Never blame yourself. Someone took advantage of you and even got PHYSICAL with you when you tried to push him off. When I went to have STD tests done, my male doctor said, “Well, what did you expect…” It seems men do not see what this does to us. I’ve hurt inside for years and even tried killing myself a year and a half ago. I know now, that it wasn’t my fault and you should too. Hold your head high and tell your story. If people don’t believe you, you do not need them in your life.