Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Saying NO

My parents'verbal abuse nearly destroyed my ability to say NO.Or so i thought,until today.I was sitting quietly on a bench in the park,breathing fresh air and meditating.Suddenly,somebody i knew (only by having exchanged a few words briefly in the past) approached me and starting questioning me,disturbing my solitude.She asked me about my full name,why i don't have a job,why i'm not married,where i live etc.I calmly and politely said that i won't talk about my personal life.I added that i'd like to be left alone to enjoy nature and my "me time".She then asked me if i consider solitude beneficial for my health.She told me i should socialize more.I replied that,sometimes, advice is not welcomed,even when given with good intentions.Finally,she left at last (sigh).

Minutes after,another acquaintance approached me and wanted to introduce me to a man i had never met in my life!!!!!! Shocked,hurt and angry i told her that i'm not interested in meeting any man.That person left too.

But all that ruined my meditation and left me boiling in anger.Haven't these people heard about privacy? I'm a proud introvert and i like spending a few hours a day only by myself.After i recharge my batteries,i'm really friendly.But i badly NEED my alone time to detox, to get rid of all my traumatic memories.Without it,i literally suffocate.I was supposed to leave the park with peace of mind and heart.Instead,i left in a mental turmoil.The park is divided in 2 areas.One area is built for people who like to be surrounded by others and it's a very noisy area,with children playing and so on.The other area is very secluded,with remote benches,built especially for people who want quiet time.If i stroll into that area,i know for sure that people sitting there don't want to be bothered,so i don't open any discussion.It's about common sense and education.Well-mannered people don't insist.

I noticed that,if i want to do things my own way and step out of the crowd,i'm seen as a freak,a weird creature.I also discovered another form of victim blaming:"Why don't you get a job and do something with your life? etc etc etc."At least something good came out of this dreadful day,which i had planned to be wonderful.I finally managed to set boundaries,and they were respected.Those who ruined my relaxation left.I made a huge step towards my recovery.Not a long time ago,i would have answered all the intrusive questions about my personal life.But today i said a big NO.IT HAS GONE ON FOR TOO LONG!

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One thought on “Saying NO

  • Ellen says:

    I’m really sorry those people were so nosy. I definitely understand the need for privacy being helpful for survivors of trauma. If anyone thinks your existence isn’t “productive” enough, they should be told to worry about themselves.