Rumors of rape
Last weekend was my senior prom, and obviously there was an after party with drinking etc. I have a boyfriend and I've been with him for about a year and a half and he is my best friend and my other half. That may sound naive seeing as I'm 18 but that's besides the point.
Before I get into it, a little background information. I've had a lot of trouble with depression and self harm throughout high school and last year it landed me in a mental hospital last November which was extremely hard to go through. That being said, the reason I landed in the hospital is because my boyfriend that I had been with since April of my freshman year cheated on me and after giving him a second chance he told me he'd leave me if I didn't stop being depressed and self harming.
I met my current boyfriend as I was going through this rough breakup and he helped me through it and was so supportive and amazing about it. This fall was the beginning of my senior year and my boyfriend and I were having troubles and were fighting a lot I was scared about college and the future so I wasn't sure what was going to happen with us.
He broke up with me and I was hurt and confused and his best friend was there for me (or at least I thought) and manipulated me into having sex. I was so hurt and confused after it happened and was so disgusted with myself. I had never seen my boyfriend so hurt and upset when I told him. Eventually I was able to earn his forgiveness until now.
After prom we went to this party together and got very drunk. Because of my depression and previous experiences, I don't drink very often so I don't really know my limits. I was blackout drunk and believed that I passed out for most of the night, but strangely woke up in bed with my boyfriend but with my pants off. I didn't think anything of it.
2 days later a friend of his messaged me on Facebook and told me that we hooked up. I was disgusted and felt so violated. Later that night my boyfriend got texts saying that this kid made out and had sex with me while I was unconscious and then my friends were saying it was impossible because they were taking care of me all night, so I don't even know if any of it is true or not.
My boyfriend doesn't think that I could have been unconscious while this person was having sex with me and that "people get drunk and have sex all the time". I just want him to understand so that he isn't hurt by this because I've hurt him before. I was sexually assaulted my freshman year in a similar situation so shouldn't I know better?
I'm just so confused and don't know what to do. I'm reaching out because I need help making my boyfriend (possibly ex boyfriend) understand that I had no control over it and that I don't want him hurting. I have the burden of him being hurt and myself being hurt and it's almost too much to handle.
We do NOT give permission for posts published as personal experiences to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.Download this post as PDF? Click here