Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Raped by Mr Floppy (content note)

VERY GRAPHIC.

There are a lot of myths about rape and even more about when the rapist is your husband. What about if that husband has erectile dysfunction? That is exactly what happened to me and on more than one occasion I have been met with disbelief. How is it possible? To highlight this and hopefully help other women out there who feel that they will not be believed, I have decided to write about this.

I'm going to call him 'Ex', as that is what he is.

Ex has always had problems in maintaining an erection. It wasn't really a problem when we first met as he used Viagra. Things changed when he stopped using it as he didn't like the side effects. We still had sex but he would lose his erection and then 'flop out' at first he was fine about it as he used to masturbate - even without an erection. I found out later that this is common amongst cocaine users. Up until that point I had no idea a man could masturbate without an erection. The only time he could get a full erection was if he woke up to one. At first, he would wake me up during the night and put my hand there and that summed up our sex life but after childbirth, I was too tired to want to be woken up for that and he started to become resentful and angry. It wasn't long until I would wake up to find him having sex with me and, if I didn't feel like it and ask him to stop, he would try and persuade me and if that didn't work, plead or threaten. I've had it all, threatening to get it from other women, blaming me for the erectile dysfunction he probably got from all the cocaine he took YEARS before he met me, bullying, storming out, shouting. I was frightened he'd wake up the children as his anger would just erupt out of nowhere and then he would scream and shout and storm out of the house, slamming the doors. Mostly I just let it happen, hope he would not take too long and then let me get to sleep. The worst of it was if I woke up to him raping me and then him losing his erection as a result of my lack of 'enthusiasm'. He would roll over angry, go to sleep and then if he woke up to another erection, he would rape me again and just keep trying over and over again until he managed to ejaculate. Quite often it would be 3 or 4 attempts until he finally managed it. I would be so exhausted I could barely function and he would then call me a 'dirty slag'' a fucking cunt who never says no' and then get up and go to work. Why did it take me so long to get out? I knew he would fight me tooth and nail for custody so I stayed until I no longer could. Hardly anyone knows what exactly happened, It's hard enough saying you've been raped by your husband when most people don't even think that is possible. To be raped by your husband who has erectile dysfunction? Well, I can't possibly be telling the truth can I?

Please make women aware of the horrible nature of husband rape so that we don't feel it is only us.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Raped by Mr Floppy (content note)

  • Erika says:

    I hope you read this …

    Sending you solidarity for your awful experiences at the hands of an abusive man.

    My ex had erectile issues and also raped me. I won’t go in to the details.

    Please know that you are not alone in this. You need support from professionals and this can be very hard to come by but keep shouting – screaming even. I’m still trying to get help for what happened to me.

    You did nothing wrong either, all him. The blames stays with him.

    Keep well and thank you for being so brave as I’m sure your words will reach out to many women.

    @extreme_crochet
    Xxxxxxxxx

  • Louise says:

    Hope you’re in a better situation now. So sorry you went through such a terrible abusive part of your life. Best wishes.