Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Rape? What happened to me?

I was a freshman in college and a few of my sorority sisters and I went to a frat house to drink with some guy friends. When we got there we went upstairs where everybody was, music playing and people drinking so we started drinking. Not to long after I knew I was drunk. Me clearly more so then some of the guys. Next thing I know I was making out with one of the guys, let's call him Tony. So tony and I are making out in the hallway and laughing having a good time. After that it starts to become a blur. I went back into the room with my sisters and after that I blacked out. Next thing I know I came to in the boys bathroom with Tony having sex with me, it was for a split second and then nothing until I woke up in my sorority house the next day. But it didn't end there. Apparently there were multiple guys in the bathroom filming Tony and I having sex. I was always too scared to watch the video and blocked this whole thing from my mind because I just couldn't deal with it until now, 3 years later. I can't get over this uncomfortable feeling that something bad happened to me and this anxiety around boys. Was this rape? I'm too scared to call it that because I don't know if I consented but I have no recollection of what happened. The video went all around campus but I didn't return to that school the following year and to this day have not spoken to Tony.

 

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