Rape in a New Relationship

December 9, 2015, Sandra, Personal Experiences,

So I just realized today that my most recent ex raped me. Everything finally clicked and feeling dirty, used, and voiceless after sex finally made sense. I'd been in deep denial. My past relationship left me susceptible to it, but that does not make it my fault. I remember shaking my head and telling him to stop, and watching him just hold my legs up and keep going while saying "it's okay, baby. I got you, baby." Was my stop not firm enough, was it not loud enough? I was mortified. He had refused my consent. I was numb. Was my stop and moving away from him mot enough? Will anyone believe me if I press charges? He is a white firefighter, and I am a minority female. I feel like I'lll lose already.

 

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