Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Ongoing victim of dv

I was with my perpertrator for around four years,as a couple. but for two more as friends. for my son. The violence was always my fault. especially when he was throwing an object. an inch away from my son. And when he tried to suffocate me. When i was keeping myself to myself.

my mum blamed me. It was my fault for challenging him on anything. What i might say was the cause to him hitting me or bullying. My sister also. We do not physically make a man be violent . We are responsible for our own actions.

i never reported dv to police or go to the Drs for the mental or physical abuse. More mental. But i did admit it was happening to a locum Dr, who guessed. And a councillor.theres no record on. Then LetGo.

i tried to report it three times to police once 2011. I reported harrassment and stalking when i left. Police woman told me hes loose his job, so i wouldn't get csa money and it probably wouldn't get him charged. Two-3yrs later. And said there wouldn't be evidence etc. Putting myself vunerable, if i did etc. Then again they same the same until i complained to cps. It has been investigated. But not finished yet. Hes been rebailed twice.

After i reported child neglect to our son.
court told me that the dv wasn't bad enough for dvpp program and him to be high risk via probation services who did socalled risk assesment at his house. I thought police supporting me, but doesn't seem like it anymore. IM almost seen as nuisance, but i want the case over. He needs to be charged to protect others and safeguard my son. Which is urgent.

courts don't care how cases force us to relive the nightmare, over and over. To becoming depressed and it effecting your energy, time, attention with your kids. And that it maybe was your fault. Courts pull u down. Not believing or ignoring violent attacks youcevtold them about.

poeople don't understand why u nevr rang police. Why u went bk after leaving. Why he hit you. Why u let him see your child.

its a very difficult situation nobody can second guess. The pressure is enormous. U give into not going out with friends for a drink. Because its easier.


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One thought on “Ongoing victim of dv

  • J says:

    I believe you made the right choices for you, and it was never your fault, I truly hope you get better support soon.